#honestly i could see myself working w children pretty well but like. what are jobs for that beyond babysitter

[berrymeter]

seriously tho if anyone has job recs. like i am wildly unaware of jobs that exist so uh. i'll take. recommendations

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: January 28th, 2021 (Part 2)

Here we’ve got asks that aren’t to ask a question but are just really nice messages. Thank you all for sending us such kind comments ;v;. It’s seriously heartwarming to see so many people having good experiences with the game. I don’t even know what to say to such sweet responses.

We’ll keep doing our best and thank you again to each and every one of you for giving Our Life a chance ❤!

Hello! I've been following this account and have been following the development of 'Our Life' for a few months now, and I just wanted to say thank you for all your hard work and dedication you have put into the game. It astonishes me how much choice you have during the sequence of Our Life and am excited to play the full version now, I am downloading it as I write this message. I've had a great time seeing the demo transition into to the full game and just wanted to write two words. Thank you.

Anhhhhffbgdfbhujk!!! Congratulations on the release, I’m playing the game right now! Thank you all for your hard work and I can’t wait for the Step 3 DLC to come out, I’ll probably wait for the Step 3 DLC to come out to experience everything, but until then, I still have a lot to play. Thank you once again!

finished my first playthrough just now. it just felt so wholesome ??? 100/10 would do it again. i laughed. i cried. i got angry. i felt second-hand embrassment— i got so into it i was left in literal tears after getting my first ending. the art, the storyline, the music, and COVE HOLDEN– UGH IT WAS LITERAL PERFECTION ❤ THE WAIT WAS WORTH IT. THANK YOU FOR MAKING SUCH AN AMAZING GAME 🥺😭 this made my 2020 better, i can't wait for step 4 in 2021 ❤❤

So I was following you guys on itchio for years and uhh did I stay up til 6 am on a school night to finish the game? Yes. Did I sob my eyes out during step 3 as a 20 year old having doubts about life and adulthood? Absolutely. I can't form proper sentences right now due to lack of sleep but just wanted to say thank you for making it. I honestly feel lighter and I feel like it changed my views on future to be more optimistic... I can't wait to replay it! Thanks again!

I love how Our Life turned out!! I keep replaying it and can't stop squeaking and giggling!! Thank You for creating it ♥

okay i have actually fallen in love with cove and cannot WAIT to marry him 😭

Hi! I played through 'Our Life' yesterday and  I just wanna say how refreshing it was to be able to have Cove be 'high initiative' and also have so many opportunities to initiate affection from the player character! As a pretty flirtatious/affectionate person myself, I notice that a lot of VNs don't give players that agency, and affection can be kinda 'carrot on a stick' if that makes sense. You guys did an awesome job! I look forward to seeing if there are more of those moments in Step 3 & 4 :)

I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by the option to choose Cove's level of initiative in step 3! As much I love the option to choose I personally enjoy have the romanced character take the lead without my input so when I got to step 3 and had to option to make it so that Cove initiated affection without as much input from me I was really happy! You guys seriously added so much freedom in terms of choices, it's almost baffling that the only thing you have to pay for is optional DLC!

I absolutely loved everything about the game and I really want congratulate the team for making the game such a satisfying experience.

I look forward to step 4

❤️❤️❤️❤️

* and sorry for my bad English

Just finished my first play through and I loved it! I've been looking forward to the game and it definitely was worth the wait. Thank you all for your hard work and can't wait for the extra dlc!

Till then, hope you guys gets some well deserved rest🤗

Love you guys, thank you so much for your hard work. :)

Ok, so I just finished Our Life and, wow. I have never cried at a video game before, ever. Thank you so, so much! Its one of my favorites.

this isn't a question, but i just wanted to say how much i enjoyed our life 🥺 i've been patiently looking forward to the full game for a few months now, and i couldn't be happier with it! i've only played through it once so far but the outcomes of the choices i made were all so soft and wholesome 💗 i can tell that everyone who was involved really worked hard and you all did an incredible job! i can't wait to see what else is in store 👍

i’d just like to say how addictive our life is!!! i constantly played it during quarantine and now playing the full release is so amazing to me!! i love that i’m still discovering dialogue bits with different personalities and actions!!! i have to admit that i’ve been wishing the day to pass faster all day during school so i could go home and play again. mentally i’m not the healthiest and our life being released has boosted it up so much, thank you for creating such an amazing game!!!!!

Hey, I just wanna say I played our life two times and it still give me the same feelings. I was really looking forward to this game before it came out and I kept on replaying the demo. This game is such an amazing experience and I feel so happy playing it. I am not really a person good with words unfortunately but I do honestly love this more than anything in the world. Thank you for making it and I hope that you will continue to make more games like our life. This game really makes me happy and I can't thank you enough

Just wanted to say that Our Life really made me feel seen as an 18 year old trans man who's been struggling with change as of late and I can't thank you guys enough for it. I just finished the main story and currently released DLC's and gosh, I can really only say... woah. Just, woah. The messages are somehow exactly what I needed to hear right now, and they brought me a lot of comfort in this really weird and confusing time in my life. Can't wait to see what comes next in this lovely story <3

I am honestly in love with Our Life. The graphics, the soundtrack its just *chef's kiss* It was so worth the wait for it. I can't wait for step 4. Keep up the good work GB Patch!

good people i have just finished Our Life and let me say, it was beautiful. rarely have such non-fantastical moments (and even some fantastical moments) brought me to tears like this game has, and i don't even have the dlc (yet). i don't know how you did it but it felt like i was playing a slice of life anime. i had waited with baited breath to play this since i played the demo and my expectations were not just met but surpassed. from the bottom of my heart thank you for this game

I found the game by chance and I am so so glad I did. It’s so inclusive and made me feel so incredibly seen. Seeing that my gender identity and sexuality were possible just meant the absolute world to me. I’ve never seen something like this and it just made me so incredibly happy. Thank you for the absolutely amazing game and I can’t wait to see what’s next.

Hello! I downloaded Our life earlier this week and I'm only now getting the chance to play it (Very busy and stressful week) I'm so excited to play and I wanna say thank you for making this adorable game!

I just finished my first playthrough of Our Life and I can't even express how much I love it. Cove is absolutely precious and has killed me several times, and the art and soundtrack is beautiful. I love all the small different choices. I'm very interested in the Derek and Baxter DLCs and the rest, can't wait!!!!!!

thank you for "Our Life Beginnings & Always" it has to be one of the best visual novels i ever have played and i just dont want it to end (i know it will, but damn it! i want to have a wedding night, have children and die of old age with cole! XD) when i play it it always makes me tear up (in a good way) and i am most definetly going to buy all the dlc that you make! thank you for this lovely game and all the work that went into it! (ps: i also loved "lake of voices" )

You guys are incredibly talented and im very proud of you all! You've really outdone yourselves w/ OL and i cant wait to see whats next to come for you all :)

i really love that you can be trans in Our Life! not a lot of games do that so i just wanted to say thank you!

Guuyyss!! I just wanna say! Thank you sm for the headscarf option in the MC creator! I especially loved that little detail where MC quickly slips the headscarf on before greeting Cove, I've never felt so immersed :'D Not that the rest of the game wasn't immersive btw, but since I wear my hijab most of the time that little addition really felt like something I would do! So thank you for that <3

I've been watching "Our Life: Beginnings & Always" development for quite some time, and I gotta say its wild to see it finally release. Its so unique in the way relationships work- even character creation. I've cried multiple times over this game while playing. I can't thank y'all enough for a game with these kind of mechanics, and representation. its rare I get to feel im really playing as myself in games like these. Everyones outdone themselves. this'll certainly be one I keep coming back to.

I've been following the development of Our Life from way back when the first demo dropped and it still blows my mind how many choices and customizations there are (love that update for the MC's bedroom btw!) and the fact that the game remembers them - it really feels like your very own coming of age story! I was so immersed I cried at the end :') Can't believe I experienced this game for free lol. I can't wait for future DLCs and Step 4! Good luck with all your upcoming projects dev team!!

Just wanted to say I love Our Life and I'm thankful it exists. Thank you so much! I love the little world you created and all the people in it. Especially Cove! This game makes me so happy!

Just poping in to say hi and that ilu guys ^^, remember to take care of yourselves!

Hi!! I just wanna thank you for creating such an amazing game. Our Life is one of the few dating sims I’ve found that let’s me be a male mc, it’s really hard to find dating sims that let me be gay. Our Life is my new favorite dating sim to just sit down and playthrough whenever I’m having a bad day so I just wanted to let y’all know how much I appreciate all you’ve done. 🤍

Fan from australia here

Just wanted to reach out and let you know how important this game has been to me. I came across it at a really rough time ( that I’m still going through ) and it’s been one of the things that’s driven me to get up and out of bed sometimes.

This game and cove both hold a very special place in my heart and I can’t wait to see more of him in the DLC and Step 4

Much love ♥️

I know this isnt exactly the main focus of the game, but i really love how we can customise the mc personality wise! This is the first time i've played a game like this where the mc actually does and says exactly what I would do and say in certain situations and its such a breath of fresh air!! It's also so cool how the other characters can pick up on it!!

Cove Holden saved 2020 (my 2020 anyways) I would die for him

Sorry for this being out of the blue, but after playing through Our Life I wanted to thank you for the experience. I don’t know if I’ve ever played a game that has made me cry happy tears TWICE lol. It’s beautiful, scenic, inclusive, and absolutely amazing..have a great rest of 2020 and I honestly cannot wait for the rest of it :,) (ps. The ending song is stuck in my head)

I think you guys might've ruined visual novels for me forever. I'm not sure I'll be able to play another without comparing it to Our Life and I know if I do that I'll be disappointed every time because of how amazing it is. I bought the DLCs before playing the base game it's one of the best impulsive purchases I've ever made

Thank you so much for making our life! It's my favorite visual novel ever and I just can't articulate how much being able to just be honest with my responses instead of going for whatever would make the love interest happy means to me? I reccomended it to evry friend I have that plays visual novels because this is the best one I've ever played!

Just wanted to say that I absolutely adore this game! The childhood friends tropes is my favorite thing and this game delivers! Cove is the sweetest thing, infact all the boys are good boys. Super excited for all upcoming dlcs!

Hi, I just want to thank you for making such an amazing game like Our Life. Tbh, I was following the game’s development for a while, but me and my family moved away from my childhood town just a few days before release, so I really connected to this game. You all did amazing!

hey just wanted to know that i completely loved ol: b&a and it was so good and love cove more than i’ve liked any fictional character, it’s now my comfort media. thank you so much

hi i just wanna say i really enjoyed all of the representation in our life b&a! there were characters with a lot of different body shapes, pic characters, lgbtq+ characters, and you get to choose your own pronouns and sexuality!!! so tysm!!

This isn't a question, I just wanted to say that Our Life is incredible. Ever since I finished it, I've been looking for other visual novels to play so I don't play OL so often that I start memorizing the lines before all the DLC comes out, but I keep coming back to it. It's really one of a kind, I think you all ruined other visual novels for me because I haven't enjoyed another VN like I have this one since I read it ❤.

i think our life b&a is the first game where i felt like cove loved me, not the character i play as which is really nice for someone with kinda low self esteem so THANK YOU

I’ve been playing Our Life practically nonstop since yesterday. I just want everyone who worked on it to know how much the LGBTQ inclusivity means to me. As a closeted trans ace guy in an unsupportive household, I can’t emphasize how much of a comfort this game has been to me. Everything about it is so wholesome and heartfelt. I’m excited to see what other games you make in the future 💙

- A demibiromantic ace transgender man who may or may not have cried over the option to be myself in a game for the first time ever

Csn i just say i really appreciate how you handled MC deciding to use they/them at different stages. Mainly because alot of games don't pay much attention to the body the mc was assigned at birth if they player chooses nonbinary like it does with male/female. And it was just nice to be able to play an mc who just thought gender was kinda 'meh' for them but still felt good about the body they were born with (like myself). I guesd it boils down I'm really appreciative of the hard work it must've taken for you to make all those options possible & still have them matter.

I just wanted to thank you all for Our Life. My mental health hasn't been in a good place recently and it has become my favorite form of escapism/way to cheer up. It's idyllic setting and fantastic characters are such a good way to wind down, I love it. Also, I've been dreading 2021 due to classes starting and general stress, but the DLC and your next project have given me something to actually look forward to :). I'm so excited for them and now I actually have a reason to be happy that it's 2021. Sorry if this message is a bit weird, I just wanted to thank the team for their hard work and for creating something so incredible <3

I've gotta say this is one of the most repayable games I've ever played, if not the most. Usually after i do a playthrough or two of a game i have to wait awhile before playing again otherwise it feels stale. But i haven't had that problem with our life because of the sheer ammount of player agency. Everyone who works on tbe game should feel incredibly proud of themselves because you've created something amazing.

I just wanted to say thank you for Our Life. I'm sure you get this a lot, but it really pulled me out of a mentally tough spot in my life. So thank you.

who needs therapy when you have our life: beginnings and always? haha no but seriously this game is my comfort game, and even though i can’t join your patreon at the moment please know i am always supporting you and i am so excited to see everything you have in store! everyone who works on the games is so so talented

All DLCs have nice content. 😡😡

And I love them all!!💗💗💗💖💖💖💕💕💕

[t4tlawlight]

Occam's razor is the principle that, of two explanations that account for all the facts, the simpler one is more likely to be correct.

this post is going to cover traits specific to the manga and the television drama, since those are the best adaptations to showcase L’s autism. THIS POST is required reading before you read anything i’m about to type, because it explains what kind of character niche L falls into--an unintentionally autistic coded character. i’ll talk more about that at the end.

i’m going to talk about manga L first, since he’s the original version after all. i’m going to go in order of physical traits, to behavioral, to his character writing. also, tumblr eats posts that have outside links, so i’m going to have my non-tumblr sources in a separate post, here.

anyways, more under the cut!

MANGA/ANIME:

sitting with his legs up and spine bent / sitting on the floor

this is such a big one and its extremely common in ppl with autism. sitting in chairs normally is uncomfortable to outright painful w many ppl with these disorders, myself included. L sitting like that (which, to recall, is a blatant homage to sherlock holmes, another character that is so blatantly autistic coded you can find absolutely ridiculous amounts of writing on the topic) and being like "I HAVE TO SIT LIKE THIS TO THINK PROPERLY" is so autistic. like sitting in a certain way to give you specific sensory stimulus/avoid distracting discomfort and pain is a thing. i found this post (1) written by an autistic person on the topic of sitting in chairs being uncomfortable, and it says as much:

“I suspect that seating discomfort is common in autism (though by no means limited to autistic people). Many of us, particularly as children, benefit greatly from chairs designed to be non-stationary: rocking chairs, “fidget” chairs, and so forth. These can improve focus, compensate for proprioceptive hypo-sensitivity, and alleviate restlessness. In short, many “attention issues” can be fixed simply by providing a little motion for the person sitting. Small change, huge results. That's what accommodations do at their best. They make (often minor) adjustments that have profound impacts.”

so when L says that sitting the way he does, for a specific sensory experience, improves his ability to think, it’s perfectly in line with this idea. Also it’s a good pressure stim.

standing with a slouch / shifting his weight around

to begin: yes! it’s very common for autistic people to stand or walk oddly for a number of different reasons, from physical comorbidity to other issues such as dyspraxia (see: movie L). From an article by YAI (2), an I/DD (intellectual and/or developmental disabilities) community program:

“Kyphosis (a curved spine), collapsed chest, dropped shoulders and even scoliosis are observed in many of our patients. These myriad of postural issues may result from reduced strength, decreased biomechanical stability, or from a sensory impairment, such as apraxia. 

Depending on the scene, L has mild to severe kyphosis which is very common in autistic individuals. Other things mentioned in that article if you want to click on it is instability in standing, where you sort of shift your weight around a lot between your  feet or rest all of your weight on one foot, which L is literally doing the first time we see all of him.

speaking with a monotone voice.

i obviously can’t show a picture for this one and it honestly depends on the voice actor you find for L, but in the anime in particular L has a very flat tone. a lot of this is bc he has a dry sense of humor but. just know that it’s very common for autistic people to have a flat affect (or go the other way into being too loud/emotive).

his eating habits. 

a lot (a LOT) of autistic ppl myself included can only eat certain kinds of food for texture and flavor reasons. HOWEVER there’s a term in the autism community called “samefoods” which is really well put by tumblr users candidlyautistic and autism-asks: 

“Samefoods or samefooding is a community word to describe the autistic trait of eating the same food over, and over and over . . . It is part sensory, part routine driven in most cases. A lot of times we samefood because we need that particular mouthfeel / texture / taste, and a lot of times even after that need passes, it turns into a need for routine until you actively dislike that food again.”

“Samefooding on the other hand is closer to a special interest. When I have a samefood (chocolate ice cream, currently), I really, really want that food. I could eat that food endlessly and not get tired of it. I will get upset if I’m not able to have the food in a day. For me, it usually is kind of routine based as well. For instance, with my current samefood, I have some in the evenings and it’s become part of how I wind down from my day.”

we don’t know exactly why L specifically desires sweet food or if he considers it part of his routine, but what we do know is that he really wants to eat sweet food and avoids eating anything other than sweet food, so it could either be that he’s a picky eater and can’t handle savory or he’s samefooding on sweets!

wearing the same clothes

L wears the same clothes every single day. It’s also worth noting that what he does wear is baggy, too-big clothing, the kind that wouldn’t be tight and uncomfortable. once again, sensory issues are a huge thing for autistic individuals. one of my favorite aspects is that in no adaptation does he wear socks. even L wears shoes, he wears them like slippers, not putting them on all the way. people comment that he seems like he’s poor, but we know for a fact that he’s very rich and that wearing these clothes is a personal choice he made.

not caring for himself/outsourcing his self-care

i don’t think one day is exactly canon, rather it’s an exaggeration of what might actually happen--i.e. L doesn’t have a huge closet full of the same outfit, but he does have several versions of the same outfit on rotation; L doesn’t use a human washing machine, but Watari might help him/encourage him to bathe regularly. One Day is a parody comic, but it was made by the creators for a reason and that reason is that L pretty obviously relies on a caretaker (Watari) for his personal needs. Watari, in the manga proper, cooks and cleans and does most things for L. we’ll come back to this topic when we get to the drama though.

doing stimming behaviors

if you don’t know what stimming is, it refers to self-stimulating behaviors, usually involving repetitive movements or sounds. everyone stims to some extent, but in autism it tends to be more obvious, go on for longer, and sometimes be more disruptive to others. it’s often used to help deal with sensory overload, or used to express feelings--think of an autistic person being happy and flapping their hands in the air.

there are a LOT of instances of L displaying stimming behavior, from stacking his food or things on his desk, to spinning in his chair, to biting his fingers/using them to press on his lips, to wriggling and tapping his toes. here are some specific instances:

there are a lot more. i’ll talk about more when we get to dramaverse, but if you rewatch/reread death note it’s definitely worth noting whenever L does something like this!

detective work as a special interest

ok, first and foremost i want to establish what a special interest is. Tumblr user cartoon has my favorite explanation of what a special interest is that i’ve seen to date: 

“To have a deep, intense, passionate and incredibly focused / narrowed interest in a certain area of study, subject, topic or thing - to the exclusion of other interests. This interest is something that exists for the long-term, most often lasting for multiple months, years, or even you’re entire life “

L says that he only does detective work because it’s a hobby, and he finds it entertaining. We’ve also seen that he’s been at it for quite some time--if you take side content (the wammy’s house comic, LABB) seriously, then he’s been at it since childhood, with unwavering interest. it definitely comes across to me as L having a special interest in detective work, rather than it just being a normal hobby or a job for him, especially since he says it isn’t out of any moral obligation.

germaphobia

Germaphobia is very common for individuals with autism. a lot of the time it’s actually sensory issues associated with “dirty” things, and a lot of the time it’s because features of OCD are heavily comorbid with autism, including contamination OCD and such fears. regardless of the reason, though, L’s aversion to touching Bad Things is a very autistic behavior, and so is his resulting quirk that he tends to hold things in a very odd manner!

muted emotional expression

this is getting more into L’s character, but L tends to feel and express emotions in a very muted way. not to say he doesn’t have them, but for instance in the example above, L doesn’t have a solid grasp on what exactly he’s feeling. he thinks he might be acting irrationally and overemotionally because he logically should be afraid, but he isn’t sure, and none of these emotions present themselves visibly. 

i’ve also seen it said that Ukita’s death is another good example of his muted response to emotion--he tells Aizawa to stay rational and his voice doesn’t waver as he tells him as much, but he holds himself tightly. for someone with poor emotional competence, these physical signs of distress can be hard to read in oneself, but Aizawa (a man who is extremely in-tune with his emotions) can tell immediately.

high logic, low empathy

L is also a character who, like many autistic people, lacks a certain degree of empathy. it’s not that he doesn’t have any, but it’s limited enough--and he values logic over it enough--that he’s willing to make extreme decisions and take a “ends justify the means” approach (such as using people as bait.) in the example above, L takes a moment to work through what it must actually feel like, which rings as very autistic.

bluntness/not caring about social convention

there are so many examples of this i honestly could list them all day, but L is a character who is very to-the-point and doesn’t care about mincing his words. he can be outright rude to the people around him, especially if he considers them not worth basic courtesy. see: Matsuda. 

DRAMAVERSE

if you all knew me you should have known this section is inevitable. i’m not going to talk about every single adaptation because i do not have the time and the only other adaptation that is meaningful in that regard is the movieverse (i am fairly certain that movie L is dyspraxic) but on account of the fact that i don’t care about them i won’t subject you all to them here.

anyway, drama L shows much the same traits as animanga L above (they are, after all, technically the same character) but he displays them in different ways. 

he has a much more advanced degree of germaphobia, with Watari saying he’s sensitive to outside air and spraying everyone who enters his space with disinfectant, but not making them wash their hands or anything like that, so we can kind of tell that his issues are more rooted, again, in a fear of germs rather than any actual medical issue. he wants to feel as though he is clean, not necessarily actually be clean. this is very common in contamination OCD, which has a high comorbidity with autism. (my girlfriend has a very good headcanon post about drama L and OCD that isn’t so much analysis than just plain fun, but it’s worth a read!)

he stims, but he has a different array of stims than animanga L--he chews on his jelly pouch bottles, 

he tosses it between his hands, 

he kicks his feet,

and he bounces in his chair.

he still sits in an unconventional manner. he still samefoods, this time even more exclusively--he only eats Lucky Charge jelly pouches and nutritional bars. Watari onscreen puts his shirts on for him, as well as cooking, cleaning, and mending his clothes for him.

however, there are a few traits that are drama-exclusive that i think really add to an analysis of his autism!

social scripting

social scripting and echolalic scripting are both commonly described as “scripting,” but are very different! echolalic scripting is like echolalia, but echolalic scripting is the recitation of longer passages of dialogue from things the individual has heard before. but social scripting is when you memorize common conversations so you can rattle it off without worrying too much! this can be very handy, such as exchanging basic pleasantries or ordering food, but it can also backfire if someone responds in a way your script’s not set up for. you can find more information on the difference in this video (3). 

now, this relates to L in that there are two separate scenes where L says the same thing, rather inappropriately:

L: When I consider Kira’s personality, could it be that the strong-willed daughter is Kira? Or could that sweet-looking son of yours surprise us by proving to be him? You never know what humans are hiding beneath the surface... Soichiro: Enough. L: Sorry. It was just a joke.

-- Episode 2

L: Light-kun. Oh, I’m sorry... If I called you “Yagami-san,” it would be the same as what I call your father.  Light: That’s okay. Call me whatever you want. L: Then what about Kira? (silence) L: It's a joke.

-- Episode 4

one could say that L just has a terrible sense of humor--and, of course, having a poor grasp of humor is common with autistic individuals--but the fact that he says nearly the same thing as a defense twice makes me feel as though he has it rehearsed as a defense when people react poorly to things he’s said, which happens often.

mirroring and echolalia

echolalia was briefly covered in the previous example, but for those unaware, via wikipedia (4):

Echolalia is the unsolicited repetition of vocalizations made by another person (when repeated by the same person, it is called palilalia). In its profound form it is automatic and effortless.

mirroring, on the other hand, is explained as such, also via wikipedia (5):

Mirroring is the behavior in which one person unconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another. Mirroring often occurs in social situations, particularly in the company of close friends or family. The concept often affects other individuals' notions about the individual that is exhibiting mirroring behaviors, which can lead to the individual building rapport with others.

both of these are very common in autism, and they’re exemplified while L’s character is established watching his favorite TV show, Owarai Paradise. On one occasion, he’s watching the show and this dialogue happens:

Hiroshi: Despite never telling her how I felt, I still got dumped. I am Hiroshi.  Watari: Who was this one again? L: He is Hiroshi. Hiroshi: I am Hiroshi. I am Hiroshi.

-- Episode 2

it’s important to note that in Japanese, “He is Hiroshi” and “I am Hiroshi” are said, at least in this instance, exactly the same, so L is echoing precisely what he’s heard.

On another occasion, L is again watching the show with a glass of wine (seemingly acquired simply to imitate the characters onscreen, as he never drinks it) and when the characters onscreen toast their glasses, L does the same, mirroring them. 

CONCLUSION

I linked a post at the very beginning of this analysis talking about how characters are unintentionally autistic coded, and it’s important to understand how this unintentional coding is different from a headcanon--i didn’t make up these traits. they aren’t something that only exist in my head that i ascribe to L for fun. 

i made this analysis both because i wanted to share L’s autistic coding in one cohesive place, because plenty of people have made lists before, but none that i could find that included so many examples with images and explanations--and i also made it because of the old ryuzaki persona “theory.” 

for those unaware, the ryuzaki persona headcanon suggests that L faked all of these traits in order to make people uncomfortable, to put them off-guard and better mask his identity. i’ve seen posts about people claiming that nobody could actually behave in these ways, that L would surely be unhappy and uncomfortable sitting like that, or eating like that, or engaging in any of these behaviors. I’ve seen some people outright say that L isn’t autistic, but his persona is--that is, he’s pretending to be autistic.

i named this essay “occam’s razor” because, to me, L being autistic is the simplest answer to account for all of these traits. claiming that an autistic coded character is faking it is ableist and it just doesn’t make sense with anything else we know about his character.

but if you want to know more about that, i recommend reading eyecicles’ first!L tag. it’s debunked it in more ways than i ever could.

anyways, in conclusion

[darthkruge]

Hello! I'm kinda new to the whole tumblr thing so sorry if this request is bad but I was wondering if maybe you could do an imagine for spencer reid where the reader is Garcia's younger sister and Garcia brings her in to meet the team because it's her first day there. Maybe Reid recognizes her from somewhere and he will not leet it go until he finds out how he knows her? Btw it's totally fine if you don't get to this! :)

Spencer Reid x Reader ~ Piano

Summary: When a new agent joins the BAU, Spencer knows he’s seen them before but literally cannot figure out where. His memory having never failed him before, he doesn’t rest until he figures it out.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral! Reader; Penelope Garcia x Sibling! Reader

Words: 1973

Warnings: A little bit of language, I think that’s all?

A/N: Hey anon!! First off, don’t worry, love! I’m honestly new to this whole tumblr thing too, but I loved this request! I’m sorry I didn’t get to it sooner, life’s been a bit hectic. I made it so the reader is Garcia’s younger sibling instead of sister, I hope you don’t mind. I’m going to try to make writing as gender neutral as possible moving forward. Nothing against you, of course, I know I haven’t specified in past requests and I couldn’t have expected you to know, so don’t worry! That being said, sorry for rambling and I hope you like it :)

(gif isn’t mine)

“Hello, everyone! I want you to meet the youngest of the wonderful Garcia children!” Penelope led you into the BAU where you waved a bit stiffly. You weren’t a huge fan of being the center of attention, but you knew your sister loved these introductions.

Looking around, you pieced together the people you knew from Penelope’s stories. You recognized Derek immediately. You assumed from his professional stance that the taller and older dark haired man was Hotch. Logically, that meant Rossi was next to him. And Emily and JJ were the two women, smiling and waving at you encouragingly. You smiled a bit broader, immediately sensing you would be fast friends with them. Finally, your eyes landed on what had to be Spencer. You thought he was quite attractive and, from Penelope’s descriptions, he was also amazing, talented, kind, smart, basically everything you liked. You waved at him but noticed he was almost studying you? You weren’t sure, but felt a bit awkward, confused as to why he seemed friendly to everyone else but wouldn’t even smile at you.

“Umm, hi!” You said, laughing nervously and kind of hoping to disappear. Hotch sensed your discomfort and offered you a kind smile before putting you out of your misery.

“Welcome to the team, L/N. Garcia’s told us wonderful things about you. That being said, we’re just closing up tonight, so you could finish up your paperwork finalizing your transfer into the BAU if you haven’t already and then come in for your first day tomorrow?”

“Okay, thank you, Sir.”

“Goodnight, team”

Everyone echoed the “Goodnight” before filing out of the room. You got into the car with your sister and pulled out of the BAU, reflecting on your past and thinking about the next chapter of your life.

After almost everyone else had left, Spencer was still at his desk, thinking. The certified genius, was, for once, completely at a loss. He couldn’t figure it out. Where had he seen you before? He was currently in the process of mapping out every place he’d gone to over the last few months. Every restaurant, every film festival, every face he saw in passing at crosswalks, through car windows, at coffee stands, and, still, nothing.

“Woah, Pretty Boy, slow down! What’s got you so riled up?” Derek says, walking over to where Spencer was hunched over his notebook, furiously writing.

“I can’t figure it out, I know we’ve met before or I’ve seen them before or something. I just,” Spencer put his head in his hands, eyes starting to burn a bit from the strain of writing and concentrating for so long, “I just know it”

“Seen who before?”

“Y/N, the new agent. They’re so familiar, but for some reason I just can’t figure it out”

“Ohh! Garcia’s their sister, right?”

Spencer nodded and Derek came behind him, seeing the messy timeline and pages of notes scattered around the agent.

“Are you sure you’ve seen them? I mean, we see lots of people on the job. You could have just seen someone who looked like them, you know? And come on, Reid, your memory is, like, insane . If you’d met, you’d have remembered”

“I know, that’s what’s got me so messed up.” Spencer sighed.

“Take a rest, kid. It’s late, get back to it tomorrow. Maybe they’ll visit you in your dreams…” Derek said, wiggling his eyebrows and laughing as he walked away.

Spencer laughed, hoping Derek was right. He’d do anything to get more time with you, even if it was in his subconscious. Honestly, he felt a bit bad. He’d been so caught up in figuring how he knew you that he’d kind of forgotten to actually talk to you. Normally, he’d have caught a new recruit before they left, but he didn’t get the chance with you. After packing up, Spencer went home and continued his search with you on the forefront of his mind.

Meanwhile, you had just gotten back to your sister’s apartment. You had your own place but you were new to the team and felt a bit lonely. Mentally, you didn’t want to be alone at home, too.

“Hey, Pen, what’s up with Reid?” You asked. You were confused, you knew he was quiet but he seemed to be actively ignoring you. Even stranger, you caught him intensely staring at you, as if he was trying to figure something out.

“He’s just shy, Y/N. But he’ll warm up to you, don’t worry! Honestly, I think the both of you would be a pretty good match. If you want, I can do some of my famous matchmaking!”

“Please, noooooo,” You groaned, dragging out the word.

“Come on! I’m great at it!”

“No! Remember last time? I ended up on a blind date with a guy who, within the first three minutes, told me he liked me because he saw similarities between me and his parents!! Then, he proceeded to detail their divorce for the next 45 minutes!”

Penelope was laughing hysterically, “I mean, you did say you liked emotionally available people!”

You grabbed a pillow and threw it at her head, dying in your own fit of laughter.

“Alright, that’s it, I’m going to bed. I can’t be conscious in the same house as you anymore” You say, smiling and jokingly flipping your sister off as you walk away and into the guest room.

Naturally, she returned the gesture.

When Spencer arrived at work the next morning, his eyes were bloodshot, hair was sticking up in a million different directions, and clothes were exceptionally disheveled. Anyone else and you would have thought they had a really bad (or great) one-night stand. Although you weren’t close with him, you just didn’t see him being that type of guy. You laughed a bit as he grimaced, taking a sip of what looked like extremely bitter coffee.

Deciding to try and break the ice, you went over to him. “Long night?”

Spencer’s head shot up. “Uh, yeah, I guess you could say that” He said, laughing a bit.

You smiled. Even though he was awkward, you felt at ease in his company. “I get that, I’ve had a few long nights myself. I love the job, don’t get me wrong, but the way the BAU runs is different from anything else I’ve ever dealt with.”

“Yeah. It can be a bit of an adjustment, but you’ll be fine. You’re doing great. I mean, you arrived early, so I can already assume you’re organized. And your desk is a little messy, leading me to believe you’re a creative person. Your handwriting is quite slanted, too. I recognized it from your entry forms. Did you know that’s a sign of high intelligence? Because your thoughts are moving so quickly, your hand can’t keep up in the “perfect” way, so the letters normally slant and become more sloppy.”

You were mesmerized by him. You could watch him talk for hours, truly. Sure, he wasn’t always graceful, but he was so passionate about everything he talked about. You loved listening to people talk about what they love. The way their eyes light up, it makes the energy surrounding them contagious.

Realizing he had just psychoanalyzed you without permission, Spencer looked at your sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to profile you. It’s sometimes hard to shut off, especially around new people.”

“I get that. It’s okay, I don’t mind.” You said, nodding knowingly.

As you said that, Spencer figured it out. He remembered one time visiting his mother in Vegas and hearing you say those exact words. You were playing the piano, talking to a patient who had just accidentally spilled some water on your sheet music as they took their medicine. “It’s okay, I don’t mind. I was in need of new music, anyway” You had responded, laughing. He was surprised he didn’t immediately recognize you, the beautiful and talented person he’d seen that day. But, it did make sense, in a way. Spencer’s memory is always at its highest and weakest when he’s with his mother. He can remember each of their conversations, verbatim, but everything else fades.

“Spencer? You alright?” He had been kind of spacing out for a few moments and you were afraid you did something wrong.

His attention came back to you and he smiled again, brighter this time. “You play piano.” He stated.

Your breath caught and you let out a small laugh, extremely confused. “Uhh, yeah, I do. I’m sure you’re great, but that seems extreme even for you, Mr. Profiler”

Spencer laughed. “No! I didn’t profile you, I just, I remember you. Las Vegas, March 12th, Psychiatric Hospital, you were playing piano. A patient spilled water on you. I remember you.”

“Oh, right! Ms. Owens! She’s lovely. You were there that day? Well, either that or you just gave yourself up as a damn good stalker”

“No, no, not that,” He said, a shy smile playing on his lips, “My mother’s a patient there, Diana Reid? I’m not sure if you know her.”

“Yeah! She’s quite a character. I always enjoyed playing on days Diana was there.” You reminisced for a second, lost in the memory.

“Were you visiting someone there, too?” He said, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Not exactly. My grandfather was a patient before he passed. He taught me how to play and I kind of just asked the staff if I could volunteer and continue to after he left. They were kind enough to let me. I mean, he always encouraged me to perform and I thought it was a nice way to honor his memory. A few months later I heard from Penelope that there was an opening at the BAU. I moved out, and, well, here I am.” You gestured to yourself, slightly embarrassed after you realized you might have overshared.

Spencer caught onto this, however, and quickly reassured you. “That’s amazing, Y/N. You were amazing when I heard you. I wish I could have heard you play again.”

“Thank you, that’s really sweet, Spencer.” You said, resting your hand atop his, a blush forming in his cheeks at the touch.

“Um, if you don’t have plans. I mean, not to assume you don’t have plans, just if you, you know, happen to not be busy, would you want to maybe get dinner sometime? You don’t have to, of course! I wouldn’t be offended! I just kind of want to get to know you more. If that’s alright with you.” He trailed off, not making eye contact and playing with the buttons on his shirt a bit as he awaited your answer.

Deciding to be bold, you gently turned his face to meet yours and smiled. “I would love to. Tomorrow, pick me up at 8:00?”

“Yeah! Here’s my number, text me your address?”

You smiled and nodded, taking his phone. He took the moment to just look at you. You were truly one of the most breathtaking people he’d ever met. He couldn’t believe he’d just gotten you to agree to go out with him. Even so, he wouldn’t question it. If something in the universe gave this to him, he wouldn’t risk it for a second.

You placed a gentle kiss on his cheek as you slipped the phone back into his hand. As you pulled away, Spencer cupped your cheek and pulled you back in for a kiss. His lips tasted sweet and soft and a sense of serenity washed over you as you stood in the middle of the BAU, kissing him. Everything faded away and quickly came into focus again as he pulled away, far too soon for your liking.

“More of that tomorrow” He whispered, his forehead resting against yours.

You smiled, “That’s fine by me.”

~requests are open~

[g0ldengubler]

chapter 6~life is a “high” way

(*i do not own this gif*)

A/N: this chapter is honestly one of personal favs because we get to see more of spencer feeling more confident in himself in a way while still being him and it’s just aaaaa :’) tomorrow you will get chapter 7 but then after that, expect chapters to come out a bit slower, including requests (which i am working on currently and thank you so much for sending them my way!). lots of my focus needs to be on my personal life but writing helps me get through all of that hell, so i’m in a very wishy washy position lol. thank you so much for the love on nauseous i love uuuuuu

Category: fluff w smut at the end

CW: road head, d/s dynamic, daddy kink

Word Count: 3282

before you read | last chapter | next chapter (coming soon!*)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spencer parks in front of your apartment building and stays in his seat as you get out. You both had decided that packing up right away and not going to lunch was better. That way, you can learn more about each other on the way there. You couldn't wait to get inside that smarty-pants brain of his and find out what's really going on in there.

You shut the car door and start walking, but stop when you don't hear his footsteps behind you. When you walk back to the car, you see Spencer sticking his battery in the cigarette lighter to charge.

"You're more than welcome to come in, y'know." You chuckled.

Spencer looks up at you, licking his lips as he moves some of his hair behind his ear. "It's ok, I don't want to bother."

"You won't be a bother. I've been to yours, now you can come into mine."

"Oh, so that's how that works huh? You have to go into the guys apartment before the guy goes to yours?" Spencer said sarcastically.

"You know what I mean!" You pull open the car and grab his hand, "C'mon, Spence. You'll be fine!"

He giggles under his breath and comes out of the car. After locking it, the two of you head inside and up the elevator to the 4th floor. Once at your door, you unlock it and open up to 4 paws jumping onto you. You hear Spencer gasp in surprise and giggle at his reaction, making it seem like you were giggling at your two buddies. Sitting on your old couch was your next door neighbor, Seth, who was watching Pose on the tv.

"Thank you again for watching the boys while I was gone. I really owe you big time for doing this." you say as you get up from the floor.

Seth gets off of the couch and walks up to you to give you a hug. "Anytime! If anything, they can stay at my place when you go on a case-" He stops and looks over at Spencer, standing awkwardly by the door still and letting the dogs sniff him, "Although, it seems like this new case was a success."

"Shut up, Seth!" You giggle, lightly slapping him on the arm. Realizing you forgot your manners, you quickly try to take it back. "Seth, meet Dr.Spencer Reid. Doc, meet my neighbor, Seth."

Seth reached his hand out to shake, but Spencer politely denies. "Sorry, I-I don't shake hands. It's actually been proven that it's safer to kiss." You catch Seth's eyes looking him up and down. "Seth stop teasing him like that!" You laugh. Spencer wasn't into guys, but somehow Seth looking at him made you a little jealous. You're not even dating the man, y/n shut up, you think to yourself.

"You and I will talk later." He says.

"Oh, Spence! These are my babies. The scottie is Benedict and the husky is Draco."

The room went silent for a moment, Spencer trying to hold in a chuckle. "Yes, I did name them after Benedict Cumberbatch and Draco Malfoy. I've had them picked out since I was a teenager, don't judge."

"Oh c'mon hun," said Seth, "it's adorable that you named them the way you did."

"It is," Spencer spoke, "I didn't depict you as a nerd."

"Oh my god, you kidding? She's probably the biggest nerd I've ever met with all her Sherlock and other crime shows, Harry Potter, Doctor Wh-"

"Ok, I think he gets it Seth!" You cut him off. That was enough embarrassment for today.

"I will say, Benedict or Tom Felton could always come my way."

You slap him on the arm again laughing. You look back at Spencer, who was awkwardly chuckling along with. You then announce that you were going to get in the shower. "Seth, can you take them for a few more nights? We're going up to my dad's cabin back home for the weekend. Also, when I get out and do my makeup, you promised me that you would tell me how your date went last night with 'Mr.Perfect' as you said it."

"Bitch I have ALLLLLL the tea that I'm not missing on spilling!"

"Good. Now you two get along. And Spence," He looks up at you, his hazel eyes looking into you...

"Don't miss me too much, hm?"

Then you walked into your bathroom, trying to wrap your brain on the fact that you just said that to him.

                           ~Spencer's POV~ I can't believe she said that.

She left me here a little turned on. I could start feeling my pants getting tight and had to put my bag over myself as I sat on the couch so then I wouldn't embarrass myself in front of Seth. I looked around her apartment to distract myself of thoughts of being in the shower with her. She had a very interesting aesthetic. Walls white with old picture frames that had beautifully taken old photos in them. The lamps that were in the living room looked like they were from the 70's, old gold coating chipped off at some parts of the stand. While there was a vintage look to her place, it was also very modern at the same time, a minimalistic look took over her kitchen. She had a fake vine hanging from the wall behind her tv, some of it covering her maroon record player. In some ways, our aesthetics were similar. If she had a bookcase in here, I'd feel like I was at my place.

Seth and I began to get to know each other. I came to find out that Seth worked as a bartender at a club, and he enjoyed taking photos for his social media. "I would love to be a photographer," he said, "but right now it's just a hobby that I do mostly during the colder months." He says cold, cloudy days (especially if it's raining) were the best times to take photos, in his opinion.

"So," he says, "you work with y/n at the BAU?"

"Yeah, we've really become good friends in the past 9 days. It's like we've known each other for years. Plus, she's great out on the field. She's definitely someone myself and the rest of the team will never take for granted."

"Thank god," Seth said as I heard the water turn off, "She told me that it was her dream to be a part of the BAU. She would never stop talking about it when she was in college."

"Hm, she never mentioned that to me."

"Well, let her tell you on your way to the cabin. She'll love it."

After a little bit more conversation, y/n came back to the living room. Her hair was damp, not fully wet but not dry either. She had thrown on a white turtle neck shirt with a brown sweater vest over it. She matched it with darker brown corduroy pants, cuffing the bottoms. In her hands was what looked like to be her makeup bag. She sat down in front of the mirror that was in the corner on the left side of the tv (when you look at the tv), beginning the process.

Seth and y/n talk about his date from last night and got pretty detailed about it. He talked about how the man took him to a gay bar that was a few blocks from here, and how they danced and drank the night away. "Oh and then get this," says Seth, "we're pretty drunk at this point, right? Well at one point, the local queen that performed came up to me and tried to flirt and shit, thinking she was all that and a bag of lashes, and he saw how uncomfortable I was and stood up for me. And let me tell you, he was REA-DY to throw hands!"

"Stooooop he's literally a keeper!" y/n says.

Once she was done with her makeup, she gets up and goes back to her room, coming back out with her luggage. She goes over to the door to grab a pair of Vans and comes back to tell Seth and her children goodbye.

"I'll be back in a few days. Thanks again, Seth. I really-"

"Owe me one, I know I know!" Seth cuts her off, "Now go have some fun and relax, you need to after working so damn hard for this job!" He turns to me and waves. "And it was very nice meeting you, Doctor."

"It was nice to meet you, too! But please, you can just call me Spencer."

Seth smiles as we walk out the door. What this trip will bring? For once, I'm letting fate take the lead instead of science.

~Y'N's POV~ It had been about a few hours of being on the road. At this point, you were somewhere in Pennsylvania, but not sure if you were close enough to Philly to grab a cheesesteak. You think back to the start of the drive. You suggested that you'd be the dj because your library on spotify had a full range of genres with some songs you had no clue were in there. "It'd be a fun little journey!" You told Spencer. And that it was, a journey.

You ended up driving right by a dispensary before even leaving DC. Garcia told you that that's where she gets her stuff, but knowing that bringing a lot of weed across the country wouldn't be a fun trip, you two decided to go with the original plan and just wait till you get to Michigan.

You could tell Spencer was getting a kick out of your music library. While majority of the songs he didn't know, he was still being goofy and jamming out along with you, trying to match the same energy you were having. The songs that talked about sex, drugs, and/or alcohol surprised him every time, his jaw dropping or his eyes bulging out of his head as he listened to the lyrics. You couldn't help yourself but laugh at his reactions, which would make him laugh along with you.

You two weren't alone, however. You were pretty much sucking down on the carts you still had, although you both made a deal that whoever was driving could only get a little high if they wanted to, drinking plenty of water and eating snacks to sober you up a bit if needed.

Driving through Pennsylvania, you look out the window and onto the scenery around you. You weren't paying attention, however, because you couldn't stop the dirty thoughts that intruded your mind. You couldn't help to think about giving him head, since you hadn't done it yet because both times he gave you all the pleasure. You couldn't wait to get to the cabin and go straight to your knees for him. Suddenly, you tried to get them out of your head. 'You're getting way too excited, y/n. STOP IT!' you thought to yourself.

You decided to just feel everything around you, taking a few more hits from your pen before taking it in. Nineteen by Movements was playing; it was like you could feel the song itself and everything about it as you looked up at the very tall street lamps passing by. Nothing felt better than this moment. Just you and Spencer out on the open road. It felt like nothing could stop you two. You felt free, but you also felt safe and complete, something you haven't felt in a long time.

At one point, you couldn't take it anymore. It was 2:30am and Spencer was still driving. He told you to get some sleep but you weren't sleepy or tired at all. You tried to feel free but when you did, you thought of Spencer, which led to dirty thoughts. It was like you couldn't escape it, and every time the thoughts came, you couldn't help but secretly rub your thighs together for some kind of friction.

As you tried to get the thoughts out of your head, you look over to see a nice little surprise. The passing lights outside helping you see, you noticed the bulge in Spencer's pants. How in the hell would he be getting hard now of all times? Were dirty thoughts intruding his mind, too? Seeing that made you even more wet than you already were. This was your chance.

You look out to the open road in front of you, and gently graced your fingers across his bulge. You look out the corner of your eye...nothing. Not even a flinch. 'Playing hard to get, hm?' You thought to yourself. So you did it again, which made him shift in his seat a little, still pretending he didn't notice anything. Finally, with some kind of courage that you never knew you had, you grabbed his cock through his pants and slowly started to stroke it. His eyes came out of his head, letting out a small gasp.

"You know I'm driving, right?" He asked, "We could crash if I'm paying attention more to this and not on the road."

You give him a smirk, "It's almost 3am," you begin to say, but then you notice that you're the only car on the road, "and no one else is on the road right now."

You start to undo his belt with your one hand. "You pleasured me twice already," you continue, your hand successfully undoing the belt and undoing the zipper on his pants, reaching inside to pull out his already, fully hard cock, "I need to show my thanks somehow, don't I?"

Spencer shifts in his seat, keeping his eyes out on the road. You were kind of hoping he was looking for somewhere to pull over, but you wouldn't mind doing it as he drove. "You...you already did...b-by inviting me to your dad's cabin."

You stopped stroking and he almost let out a whimper. "I saw that bulge in your pants just a few minutes ago, are you suuuurree you don't want to...daddy?"

Just hearing the word 'daddy' made him grab your hair tightly. You smiled as you shifted your position in your seat to go down on him. When you were ready, Spencer stopped at a red light and pulled your face close to his, lips almost ghosting each other.

"You better make daddy feel good then, since you're being such a fucking brat right now." He whispered as you continued to slowly stroke him again.

You couldn't even react to what he said because once the light turned green, he guided your head down to his cock before letting the tightness on your head go and letting his hand rest on top. You decided to egg on your bratty-ness by teasing the tip, giving him kitty licks at first and then slowly just running your tongue in it, licking up the pre cum.

Spencer tightens his grip again, making you whimper. "I'm not sure doing that is a good idea, angel. Do you want to get punished once we're there?"

You shook your head no, but the thought of him punishing you made you feel yourself drip between your thighs.

Spencer moves his grip from your hair and slaps your ass with a huge SMACK, which made you moan loudly.  "You have to use your words, angel. Unless you want to be a little slut tonight."

You look up at him to see his eyes were still on the road. You smirk as you pump him a few times before taking his head in your mouth. You bob up and down slowly, hearing him grunt and curse under his breath. You step it up by going down a little lower, each time going back up and then going lower until you had all of him in your mouth. You stayed like that for a few moments, gagging on it.

"Oh fuuuck that's it...that's it baby, take my cock in your mouth, just like that." He says before pulling you off to let you breathe. He's quiet for a moment before he says, "Now I'm going to guide you, angel. You're gonna make daddy feel more good than he already was, got it?"

"Yes, daddy." you answer, knowing that he wanted to hear you say again.

He pushes your head back on his cock, moving you head faster than before. He couldn't get enough it, making you gag every so often and pulling you back up. Spencer's cock twitched in your mouth and you knew he was close. He controls your head faster, his rhythm getting sloppy.

"You want me to cum in that pretty mouth of yours, angel? You want daddy's cum?" He growled, trying not to thrust into your mouth as he continues to drive.

"Mhmm!" You moan, which almost made him go over the edge.

"Keep doing that for daddy, moan for me. God, I bet you just love having my cock in your mouth, but I'm sure you're just desperate for my cum."

You moan again. That you were. You wanted his cum so bad in your mouth so you could taste him; taste how good you made him feel.

"Don't...fuck...don't stop doing that, angel...that's it...fuck I'm gonna cum..."

And with that, you feel his cum shoot inside your mouth, letting out moans and cursing. You slowly continued to suck him, getting every last drop. When you did, you move up to face Spencer as he pulled over, showing his cum in your mouth at first and then closing your mouth to swallow and open back up to show him it was gone. The look in his eyes told you that that was the hottest thing he's ever seen.

Spencer pulls you in surprisingly and attacks your lips with his, as if he was hungry for them. He was almost eating your face but you didn't care, you kissed him back and let your tongues play with one another. You both pull away after a bit and he just looks into your eyes. You look into his hazel eyes and felt complete.

"Now, will you stop being a brat and get some sleep?" He asks.

You giggle as you quickly look at the time in the car radio. "It's 3:15," you said, "it's my turn to drive."

"But now you're all tired from pleasing daddy," he jokes, "so you get some sleep, and I'll drive. I really don't mind it. Honest."

"Are you sure?"

Spencer nods his head. You decided to give in and get comfy in your seat.

"Goodnight, Spence." You say as you move the top part of the seat all the way back. You grabbed your traveling pillow and placed it on top of your right arm, laying your head as you turned your body to face away from him.

"Goodnight, angel."

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #467

“oh, mary, mary, ain’t this fun?  /  mary, mary, i’ve got a gun”

If the last person you kissed asked you to marry them, what would you do? Pray to god it wasn't in public and tell him it's waaaay too soon for that one. Does your favorite uncle have any children? Yeah, a son and daughter. Name all the members (first, middle and last names) from your favorite band. Ha, it's funny how once upon a time, I could do this. All I've got now is John Michael Osbourne. Have you ever heard a young child swear? Maybe? Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo?: Yes to both. Has a taste of something ever made you smile? Boy meet me at The Cheesecake Factory and see what my face does lmaooo As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be a paleontologist sooo badly. I wanted to discover new dinosaurs, put a shitload of work into unearthing fossils and being so proud to see the final results... Even now as an adult, if I could handle the heat, traveling, and hardcore school, I'd still love to do that. Would you cuss the person you hate the most out to their face? No. My hatred for her is unjustified and I'd rather just not say anything to her. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No. Where do you see your closest friend in ten years? As one of the strongest people around. I imagine her with a job in medical coding, while also pursuing the hobbies of ball python breeding and writing. I'm sure she'll have loads of pets to love, too! Do you like Florence + The Machine? I've never listened to them. Did you watch the presidential debates? No. Do you ever watch Dr. Phil? No. Are you typically unattracted to people outside of your race? No; I can be attracted to any race. Have you ever ridden any animal other than a horse? No. Do you brush your hair when it’s wet? Yes. Do you eat the crusts of your bread? Yeah, I always have. Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah! At my childhood home, there was a tobacco field directly across the street, and when they weren't in season so the field was flat, Dad would help us with getting kites set up and in the air. Those are good memories. How are you for money? I don't make any money. Mom is struggling. Do you think you are more intelligent than the average person? Ha, no. Do you ever think about why we are here? Does it matter? We're here, so make the most of it. Do you like cherries? I fucking hate cherries. Name a celebrity that you admire that nobody would expect you to: Jeffree Star, probs. Can you use a yoyo? Not well, but yeah. Do you think Jenna Marbles’ videos are funny? I've actually never watched her. Do you like folk music? NOOOOOOOOO Ever had a crush on somebody of the same sex? Yes. Do you know any lesbians? Yep. Favourite member of your favourite band: I'm unfamiliar with all but Ozzy himself. And Ozzy is rad. Who’s your favourite female rapper? I don't have one. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No. I sometimes have very, very quick spasms when I'm falling asleep that feel like what I assume a seizure would, but they barely last a second. They seriously jerk me awake, though, and are very startling. What’s the oldest man-made object you own? I dunno. Is there anything you feel like you need a break from? Not really, no. What do you hate to hear people joke about? I will actually and remorselessly deck you in the jaw if you make a joke about rape. There are other things that are absolutely forbidden joking matters for me, too. What’s the largest animal you’ve seen in the wild? Hmmm... Nothing that big, really. Maybe a whitetail deer buck? Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever been in weather so severe that you feared for your safety? Oh yeah. We've had some savage thunderstorms. What political issues are the most important to you personally? LGBTQ+ rights and just equality in general, the pro-choice movement, environmental conservation, gun control, the abolishment of poverty and homelessness... There is honestly a lot. I could keep going. Do you know anyone who doesn’t know how to cook even just simple recipes? ... Me. :x Especially now that I'm in a relationship, I really want to make a greater effort to learn. I want to prove to him I give a damn about the success of our relationship and that I'm capable of being an adult that can take part in general adult responsibilities. ^What’s stopping them from learning this basic life skill? Laziness. Forgetfulness. The fear of getting burned. What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? I can pick up on sketchy body language from a mile away. I'm too paranoid not to. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? At least from photographs I've seen, Utah appears BEAUTIFUL. That whole region of the U.S. in general. Are there any obscure foods you’ve eaten that most people have never tried? That's very unlikely. I'm far from explorative with food. When you travel to other countries, do you always try the local cuisine? I've never been outside the U.S. I would probably do that, though. I'd really want to experience the culture as thoroughly as I could. What did you do for your 19th birthday? Hell if I remember. What’s the kindest thing a total stranger has done for you? I remember as a young kid, my parents, two sisters, and I were getting food at McDonald's, and whoever was in front of us paid for our meals. Such a sweet gesture for a larger family. Have you ever used a meal kit delivery service? No, but there actually is one that I can't recall the name of that I'd like to try when I cook myself, especially getting started learning, but yeah, subscription fees. You see a lot of YouTubers get sponsored by them, if that rings a bell. Do you have any psychological issues rooted in events from your childhood? Possibly my fear of men, with my dad having been an alcoholic that had a 50/50 chance of being very angry when drunk. How organized are the files on your computer? Pretty organized, I'd say. I put stuff into folders. Would you date someone with braces? Yes? Do you ever rehearse conversations before you have them? Only always. Do you get angry at yourself or at others more often? Myself, for sure. When taking a cab, do you talk to the driver? I've never even taken a cab. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? Nobody, really. My cat is occasionally in the living room to see who's home, but not always because he's a lazy cat, ha ha. Do you ever chat about your favourite video games with your friends? Not really, no. I wish. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? No, bc I'm poor. Are you currently studying a language? If so, which one? No. Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? Yeah. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I want some 'cuz I'm paranoid as hell. Are you waiting on anything right now? No. Have you ever been described as shy? Is it true? Oh, always. It's absolutely true. Name something you’re a complete sucker for? Baby animals, to name one thing. Do you remember when you first went on the internet? Nope. What is one way someone could completely put you off on a first date? Arrogance/over-confidence. What about a way someone could make you like them more on a first date? Make me genuinely laugh a lot, to name one way. Are you in love right now? Not yet. I love him with our decade of history, but I need more experience as a couple before I've got the confidence to say that. Do you wanna get married anytime soon? It wouldn't be smart to. I want to be in a strong relationship for quite a few years before I want that. Have you ever kissed someone in a band? No. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No but oh my fucking god I wish!!!!!! Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth? No, but Mom would threaten to. What was the last fruit you ate? Well, I had strawberry yogurt earlier today. Who was the last person to make you laugh? Girt. He is very, very good at that. Have you ever dated someone with more piercings than you? No. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Hell yeah man. Is there one night of your life you wish had never happened? I wish it hadn't happened the way it did. Do you have a close relationship with your sibling(s)? No. What was the last thing that you shared? Some watermelon Sour Patch Kids with my mom. Do you think people talk behind your back? You couldn't get me to believe my mom doesn't at least sometimes to my sisters even if you tried your absolute damnedest. In real life do you laugh like ‘haha,’ 'hehe’ or something else? It depends on what I'm laughing at/at what intensity. Do you have any unusual skills? Nah. Who’s your favourite person? I don't have a sole favorite person. I love many people in different ways for varying reasons. Are there any chores you actually enjoy doing? No. When did you last have an "Oh, I get it now!" moment? Watching Attack on Titan yesterday w/ Girt. Have your parents ever suspected something untrue about you? My mom HAD to have suspected I was doing something FAR worse than innocent meerkat RP to have borderline fucking traumatized me invading my privacy and forcing shit out of me regarding what I was always doing on the computer so secretively. Like I get it, she was a concerned mother, but I was a fucking WRECK because I found it so embarrassing. It was insulting that she didn't trust her well-behaved daughter. What do you think about video games? They're great for both the creators and consumers. They're wonderful expressions of creativity, and so much fun to experience as a player, delving into a new world and getting engrossed in the story. I could go onnnn and onnnnn about what video games mean to me. I've gone my whole life as a loyal gamer. Are there any forms of Art you personally find pointless? I really, really don't get a lot of abstract art that's worth fucking thousands, BUT, I absolutely disagree that they are without purpose. The artist created what they did for SOME reason. As a distraction, a method of expressing emotion, to convey an idea... Are you tired right now? I have been SO ridiculously tired today. Like it's unreal. I've taken I wanna say three naps and I'm still sleepy. What’s something you do a lot? Drink something. I'm not talking about alcohol; just in general, I ALWAYS need some kind of drink by me, and I go through drinks pretty quickly. Are you currently on any other websites? Yeah, I'm watching YouTube. Are you good at using Photoshop? I'm decent, I guess. Have you ever been told you naturally tilt your head a certain way? Yes, actually, at least by my mom, and she's right. My head tends to tilt VERY slightly to the right, and I can tell by how easy it is to bend my head that way as opposed to left. I'll feel a biiiit more strain.

[fandom-blackhole]

Hi!! I’m not entirely sure if your ships are still open and if not please just ignore this :)

More importantly: CONGRATS ON THE MILESTONE!!!!! You’re one of my favorite blogs and it’s nice seeing you get the recognition you deserve!

Okay the actual ship lol: I’m a pansexual 20 yr old female (so gender of the ship is totally up to you and generally I use she/her pronouns) and if possible, could I get a general star wars ship?

I would generally describe myself as pretty optimistic, I’ve been through a lot mental health wise and have come out the other side much more positive and realistic because of it. In fact, my friends call me sunshine or sunny because of how positive and “light” I can be. I have depression which can sometimes cause me to be down, but I work really hard to keep my mood stable. I’m super active (to the point where I want to be an athlete as a full-time job) and love running and cycling. I have two golden retrievers who are the light of my life and honestly keep me sane at times. I’m generally not one to be vulnerable, and I can’t ever say that I’ve truly shown my fully authentic self to anyone (which is something I’m working hard on but hey, takes time). I also seek reassurance often which is another thing I’m improving. I’m an INFP and generally think I fit the mediator personality type because I can calm pretty much anyone down and it’s easy for me to be the peacekeeper in a conversation. However, if anyone is treating others incorrectly (racist, sexist, etc.) I will not hesitate to loose my cool, to the point where my family has nicknamed me “firecracker”. I’m super loyal and very protective of those I love, but never in a possessive sense. I’m fairly tall, about 5’10 with brown hair and light brown eyes. My favorite color is yellow so most of my wardrobe is yellow or some variation of orange, though I do love anything olive green or deep blue. At times I’m pretty sensitive and occasionally have body image issues so some of my clothing is pretty baggy and comfortable. I’m a Buddhist, and mostly live my life by the peaceful standards set by Tibetan Buddhism. I take pride in being strong both physically and mentally and often support those around me to become better if they express the interest. I love being in nature and actually live in the middle of the forest, though I also love travelling and have been to most of Europe and some of Eastern Asia. All in all I’m a pretty grounded and peaceful person (even though I named a lot of contradictory things lol) and am always striving to better myself for those in my life and my future self.

Your ship!!

I would honestly ship you with Paz, I think you guys would fit together perfectly. Between your mutual love of children and animals, and his ability to be a calming and grounding presence for you, you would be the ultimate couple. I can imagine you guys going to town and just walking around the stalls hand in hand, and of course being the big teddy bear he is, Paz would buy you whatever caught your eye and surprise you with it later. Speaking of Paz being a teddy bear, can you imagine the snuggles?? Literally top tier. This man is soft™️ and would just envelope you and never let you go. I think your youse would have plants all over and probably some critters (both with four and two feet) running around. I also get the vibe that Paz would be super supportive of your interests, not thinking that your interest in death is weird but rather almost normal (being Mandalorian and all that) and I can also see you guys having really feel and in-depth conversations about death and subsequently life. As for how you meet... I think you’d most likely be helping with the foundlings or caring for animals (are there shelters in Star Wars? Now there are) and he would be all gentle with the kiddos/animals and you’d notice (because obviously, who wouldn’t notice the big strong man being so soft™️) . You might brush it off and assume he’ll never come back again because ~feelings~ but then when you see him again and he recognizes you, you might just go for it. He wouldn’t push you out if your comfort zone, but instead get to know you slowly. He’s also totally the type to remember all the little details about you like, you mentioned you were tired? Coffee the next day (or whatever you may use to wake up) you need a break from your shift? He remembers what you said your favorite restaurant is and is already getting you out the door. Once you guys have been together for a while I can imagine talking about having a house with some land along with more kiddos (let’s face it, all the bucket boys have a breeding kink) and he’d be okay if you didn’t want that life but would be thrilled if you agreed to the white-picket-fence dream he’s envisioned for you guys. 1000% the supportive s/o who drinks his respect women juice ™️ religiously. I can’t remember if you included your love language in your details, but if it’s touch ohhh boy and you in for a treat with Paz. When I said this man won’t let you go, I mean it. Big arms and large hands (😏) just holding you? *chefs kiss*. He would LOVE it when you lay on his chest and if you ever let him lay in yours and listen to your heartbeat? The man thinks he’s died and gone to heaven. You would also be the first person to see his face if you wanted to, which would probably cause both of you to cry (happy tears) ngl. Also, just a thought that won’t leave my alone, Paz is tatted to the nines but if you’re not into that then ignore this part lol.

Thank you again and congrats on the milestone. Like I said, you deserve this and so much more and it make me so so happy to see you finally getting the recognition you deserve.

Thank you so much for your kind words it means a lot, and thank you for being here, I really appreciate hearing from you and talking thots with you!

For your ship, I ship you with Obi Wan Kenobi!

Being a Jedi and following Jedi practices I think Obi Wan would really like that you follow Buddhism and follow a peaceful lifestyle because it is something similar to what he has grown up practicing himself. Obi loves your optimism and sees it as a breath of fresh air after all the negative things he goes through day by day while fighting in the war and being torn from his peacemaking ways into w war general. Obi absolutely loves your dogs, and don't feel bad if when he visits you he makes a beeline straight towards the dogs to give them pets immediately after saying hello to you. When Obi notices how much you like to be active, he will invite you to come to the training rooms at the temple where he will teach you how to spar so the two of you can spend time doing that, or just running the course that the Jedi have set up for training. Obi loves how much yellow and orange is in your closet and just your style in general, but he likes to tease you about owning so much yellow means that your favorite battalion is his own, the 212th, and how you are their little good luck charm. Obi is very much a peacekeeper and would rather negotiate an opponent down rather than fight, so he very much is glad that you are a peacekeeper as well. That being said though, he does like that you stand up for what you believe in and for others, it never fails to bring a smile to his face when you get a little feisty. Obi Wan is a very caring person and in my opinion very observative, so he will notice when you are feeling down around him and he will give you as much reassurance that you need. No matter what it is Obi will make sure and find a way to cheer you up because he hates seeing anything but a smile on your face.

OMG everything and I mean everything you wrote in your ship for me is perfect!!!

Paz buying me anything that catches my eye? I am dead. Paz being a big ass cuddly teddy bear? yes please, I want him to lay on top of me and squish me in a big hug. Having deep conversations with him? That is my shiiiiittttt. Paz remembering small things like how I take my coffee or tea or my fave restaurant? I am so fucking SOFT! Paz planning out a cute little home for the two of us? Ugghhhhh I can’t! And lastly, both of us crying when I see his face for the first time? Fuck, I am crying now goddammit!

Thank you for this, and thank you for being here and being so lovely to me! 

(16/20)

[memoriashell]

not entirely present in mind ( but sentimentally, feelings are always the same )

Characters /  Pairing: Fukawa Touko / Naegi Komaru, ft. WoH in the bg

crossposted on ao3

Notes: day 4 of tokomaru week!! shopping and night out prompts. the warriors of hope get mentioned in the bg as their kids but don't feature heavily in this fic.

tws for abuse / trauma mentions, touko is also slightly out of character because she's drunk ( they are both responsible adults and are safe the entire time! )

Summary:  sometimes it's nice to have a night to themselves.

When you have five kids to look after, it’s rare to for them get a moment to herself. Or a moment with her wife. Much less a night to go out. Well, it’s not like they don’t get to go out with the kids. In fact, she might let them indulge in that perhaps a little too often— or so Touko argues but can’t actually find it in her to say no to. Her point being that they do not get to go out by themselves. That’s usually the case, at least.

Which is why when Touko casually brings up the fact that she finally sealed a deal on her latest manuscript, Komaru uses that as an excuse for them to go out and celebrate. Their anniversary roughly over is a month away anyways, might as well kill two birds with one stone because god knows they will probably be too busy with the kids to actually remember to do much of anything. Not that they really need to, she knows how much they love each other regardless! It’s just fun to have an extra excuse to celebrate.

( And don’t get her wrong: she loves her all five of her kids— most days— she really, really does. And she’s happy she can have the opportunity to raise these kids with her wife, and show both them and her wife what a good, loving family looks like. But it also tires her out to take care of five children, along with her own job, and sometimes they need to take a brief break from it.

...Okay it’s also because Makoto owes her a favor, and she’s very eager to cash in on that favor by getting her brother to help keep an eye on the kids for one evening. It’ll be fine. The kids love him? )

Touko rolls her eyes at her and tells her that she’s being unnecessarily dramatic about all of this when she informs her of their plans, once she works out the details. But Komaru can see the blush that accompanies this and knows that she’s won her over and considers that her personal victory. The only condition she has is to make sure her brother is not the only one watching the kids, which: yeah, fair enough, five kids was hard enough with two of them; so she just asks Makoto to make sure he’s not the only one watching the kids.

She knows Touko hates dressing up nice when they go out— she hardly likes dressing up for her own press releases, and those are like actually important events, so she makes sure it's a pretty casual thing. Most of their outings have always tended to be fairly relaxed, and she thinks both of them prefer it that way. The bare minimum of make-up on her face accompanies one of her nicer outfits; which is still a notable effort on her part, but doesn’t make too big of a deal about it.

( She can deduce that Syo probably had a hand in that choice, and just hopes they hadn’t bothered her about it too much. They’re usually good at recognizing limits, and if nothing else, she doesn’t like assuming the worst of their intentions )

Dinner goes well, once she can get Touko to feel less self-concious about herself. Not that it’s a bad thing that she is, it’s not her fault, and she knows she’s trying her best; it’s just more enjoyable when she doesn’t have to worry as much about how she’s feeling. Alright, the glass(es) of wine that she’d had might have also helped with that, but she seems to be handling it pretty well, so she’s not too worried. Even when it became apparent that some of her anxiety had been amplified by the alcohol, but again she seems to be handling it okay. She’s only slightly tipsy...okay, maybe a little more than slightly, but they’re responsible adults. Or, uh, have to be because Masaru won’t take to them being drunk well, and bringing up that trauma is not something she wants to do. And also because technically they’re supposed to grab groceries on the way home. Not exactly the most romantic end to a date night, but sacrifices must be made.

Now only if Komaru could convince her wife to let go of her long enough for her to go shopping, keeping her voice low as not to disturb her too much. “You could nap off some of the alcohol here in the car while I go shopping?”

“Noooo...” She whines around the bottle of water in her mouth, free hand gripping to her arm like her life depends on it. Komaru can easily pry her off, but she’d rather not do that. “Don’t leave...leave me alone. If I do...you won’t c-come back.”

That melts her heart a little. In like, a sad way; being reminded of her wife’s deep-rooted insecurities is never a nice thing. Komaru taps her wedding ring, which effectively gets her attention after a few minutes. “This is pretty good proof that I’m going to come back, right? But if you don’t feel like sleeping, you can come inside. You think you can handle sitting in the cart?”

“Uh huh. I...can sit fine, d-d-dumbass.” Touko responds in a very unconvincing way, but it does get her to let go at the very least.

“M’kay. Let me get out, so I can help you.”

“Can do...get it myself.” She argues, but also makes no effort to do anything other than sip at her water. For good measure, Komaru grabs a second bottle to slip into her purse; in case she manages to down all of that while they’re inside. She lets her lean against the side of the car while she grabs a cart, and watches her halfway launch herself into a flip to get over the side of the cart. Which was more Syo like behavior, so she figures they might be co-fronting? It wouldn’t be anything she wasn’t used to, but she should probably keep a close eye on them just in case.

“You’re okay?” She asks just to be sure, reaching out to brush the hair out of her face carefully and laughs softly at the way Touko tries to lean into her hand.

“Mhm...I love you.” Her voice is a soft murmur, and yeah it’s not anything she hasn’t heard before, but it still warms her heart to hear. It’s moments like these that make it hard for her to understand why people think so horribly of her. Most people don’t get to see this side of her ( usually, this is more like how she is early in the mornings and late at night, half asleep and vulnerable ) and see how loving she is— scared of loving and being loved. Touko has so much love, she knows the way she loves her and her friends and their kids and knows she is not the person people say she is, that her insecurities make her think she is. Komaru hates knowing all that because she deserves all that love and more, and makes sure she knows it as she presses her lips to the top of her head.

“I love you too! Are you sure you’re up to shopping though? You really don't gotta come with.” If it wasn’t for the fact she knows the kids won’t have breakfast in the morning if she doesn’t go shopping tonight, she’d honestly just call it a night and grab groceries another time.

Though truthfully, shopping with her drunk wife is still less of a hassle than trying to shop with any number of kids. Making sure they stay out of trouble is a chore within itself, and she’s thankful that’s not the case tonight.

“I’m...‘m good. Just go slow..?”

“I can do that.” She beams, even if she thinks that wasn't entirely necessary for her to mention— okay maybe she’s guilty of cart coasting down aisles with her feet off the ground, but that’s just to please the kids. She knows better than to do that with her drunk wife. Probably. She thinks she would realize it is a bad idea to do so ( on account of her getting sick ) before she would actually do so, at least.

Now it’s just a matter of trying to remember where she put their shopping list. It was more convenient to have it typed up on her phone, but it's easier for everyone to add onto if they just leave a notepad specifically for this. Even if on more than one occasion she’s flipped over a shopping list to find several paragraphs of something Touko has no recollection of writing ( that isn’t Syo either ), or realized that Jataro has doodled over half the list without meaning to.

She finally recalls which pocket she’d put it in for safekeeping, and they can get going. Slowly, adding things to the cart...and on top of her wife’s lap. Not that Touko seems to notice, since the next time Komaru checks on her she’s just staring straight up at her, face red. She’s so cute? She seems to realize that she’s got her attention, since she reaches up to tug on her sleeve. “Kotoko and Masaru w-wanted fruit snacks, right...? Don’t forget...”

“Already got it, don’t worry. Made sure to grab the vitamins too.” She reassures, a bit impressed that she manages to be that coherent in recalling that, gently prying her hand from her sleeve; holding it in hers for a moment before carefully dropping her hand back down to rest in her lap. She continues shopping in silence, making sure to double-check the list for anything else she might have missed— or at least make sure she’s not missing anything important.

After a while she has to stop again, when she realizes Touko’s trying to mumble something to her, leaning down to hear her. “Don’t forget the...the fish.”

Komaru’s brows crinkle in confusion. “Fish? Like, the fish snacks, or...?” She doesn’t have anything on the list that matches that description, nor does she remember the kids bringing up any requests along those lines.

“N-Noooo...” She starts to shake her head and then immediately looks like she regrets that choice. “Like, like the ones that go in a tank. Like the kids asked.”

It takes Komaru a minute to figure out what she’s trying to get at, and bites back a snort. “That’s not something we can get at the supermarket. Or that we’re taking care of tonight.”

( To elaborate: the kids recently brought up the prospect of having a pet. With varying degrees of effectiveness. To which they’d said they’d think about, mostly because again, they have their hands full with their kids as it is— but also on the basis that five kids do not agree on any one thing easily, and she can only imagine how much it will take them to agree on one pet. Komaru thinks it’s cute that even while drunk, she manages to be mindful of the kids )

“Oh. Thank fucking god.” She mutters. “I don’t want to be a mother this young.”

This one she has to laugh at, because there’s no way she can stifle herself this time: mostly because, while the implication might seem bad, she knows that’s far from what’s probably happening here ( not consciously, at any rate, she knows she’d had more than her fair share of concerns when the topic of adopting the kids had came up ). “Sweetheart, we are already parents...?”

“Oh...” Touko says, drunken awe in her expression, like this hadn’t occurred to her. “I g-g-guess you’re right...not the same.”

Komaru pats her gently, a smile curling at her lips. She’s curious about what she means by that, but she’ll leave that for another time. “Mhm, sure. Let’s get going, okay?”

There’s nothing inherently romantic about ending a date night by taking care of her drunk wife while doing grocery shopping, but it’s still a nice end to a good night— even if they both end up forgoing doing anything further that night, and just go straight to bed once they get home.

[jawritter]

Right In Front Of You...

Request: Dean x Reader. The reader is hunting with Sam and Dean, and she is constantly getting annoyed at every single thing that Dean does. And she always acts very bad with Dean with this making dean think that she hates him. And that makes me very sad because he has feelings for her but when Dean saves her sacrificing himself from hunting gone wrong. She starts to develop feelings for him.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Reader is a bit of an asshole, language, a little bit of fluff, Implied alcohol abuse, SPN level violence. I think that’s it.

Word Count: 2300

A/N: As always all mistakes are mine! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is golden! Hope you all enjoy this one!

Want more? Check out my Masterlist!

***MASTERLIST***

You had been hunting with the Winchester now for six months, and man it had been a long six months. 

You were used to hunting alone and having to hunt with people, two people to be exact, was an adjustment for you that you weren’t exactly handling all that well. 

It wasn’t exactly in your nature to have to look out for two other people around you. You didn’t know how to handle the fact that there were two other possible casualties beside yourself, and it made you on edge, to say the least. 

Sam keeps telling you that you will get used to it, that after a while it would become second nature, and it’s just something you would adjust to, and once it does being alone would be strange for you. You on the other hand weren’t so sure. 

Sam, you probably could get along with. He wasn’t as... well…clingy.

Your problem seemed to be with Dean. 

He was dominant, he was controlling, and he always acted like his idea was the best idea. He was always trying to run around acting like the Alpha male or something.

It got under your skin, you had been hunting just as long as Dean, you knew how to survive without him, and for some reason, he just treated you so fragile, at first anyway.

After about three hunts he figured out quickly that you knew what you were doing, and back down. 

Some anyways.

Then it was the constant following you around, sitting next to you, wanting to always talk to you, well trying to talk to you anyway, Dean never was very good at holding a conversation with anyone, so usually, he just stands there staring at you, which honestly you found a little weird. 

You didn’t like being close to people, because if you got close to people you always ended up having them ripped away from you. So it wasn’t like it was second nature to just sit and hold a conversation with someone. 

Thankfully he’d finally stopped following you around like when you jumped down his throat one night after a hunt. He was trying to hover over you, wanting to help you stitch up a small cut on your arm, you were tired, and just at the end of your rope.

Maybe you shouldn’t have lost it like that with him, but at the time, you just couldn’t stand the clingy behavior anymore, and just wanted to be alone.

——————————

“Sweetheart, let me do that, please?  I’ll get it cleaned out, and stitched up if you will just let me help you.” Dean pleaded, his voice soft and honestly, it made you feel things that you didn’t want to deal with.

“No Dean, I’ve got it.  Go get some food or something,"  you mumbled, trying to ignore him.

Dean knelt down in front of you, placing his hand lightly on your knee, you stopped what you were doing, giving him a death glare.

"Get your hands off of me, Dean,” you warned, not sure what he was doing, but you were ready to take him out if you needed to. You didn’t like how he was always so touchy with you, because that was just you, always expecting the worse, and always on the defense. 

“I just want to help.”

“I DON’T WANT YOUR FUCKING HELP, DEAN!!!"  

Dean shot back like he’d been slapped in the face. Literally landing on his ass.

"I don’t need you, want you, or anything else that involves you! I’m not some damsel in distress that you need to save! I’m not Sam! I can take damn care of myself, and I don’t need you to do anything for me, or because of me! For weeks now you’ve been stuck under my ass, and it’s getting on my goddamn nerves, so back the fuck off!”

Dean sat there on the floor at the foot of one of the beds in the dingy motel room, looking at you like you’d just kicked his puppy. Getting up slowly he said nothing, just grabbed the keys to Baby, avoiding making eye contact with you, and leaving you to your work.

—————————-

That was the last time Dean Winchester ever spoke to you, and that was two weeks ago.

From then on if he needed something he sent Sam to ask you for it, or to check on you. He bought himself a separate motel room when you had to stay overnight in a town for more than one day. He wouldn’t even look directly at you, at least not while you were looking at him. 

He did what you asked him to do, left you alone. 

It bothered you, but you couldn’t put your finger on why. 

You did notice him drinking a lot more than he usually did, but hell, you all drank in this job. Getting drunk enough to go to bed at night, and hold the nightmares at bay was just part of the job description.

He became more and more distant from you as time went on, which brings you to where you are right now. 

In the middle of an old abandoned house, walking up the stairs, an angle blade, and a flashlight in front of you, with Dean about three paces behind you, walking backward, and looking down the stairs. 

You both knew that the demon had been taking small children, and you were both pretty sure that he was trying to either make some kind of new demon army spawned in the local town’s people’s children, or he was a really sick fuck. Either way, he needed to die.

When you made your way to the top of the landing you turned the knob on the door slowly, opening the room up at the top of the stairs. It was dark, damp, and seemingly empty. You Look behind you at Dean to see if he saw anything from his angle. Just as you turn to look at him, Dean’s eyes widen, and you feel the air shift behind you.

Before you had time to even turn to see the damn thing face to face Dean was already pushing you against the sidewall, throwing himself in front of you, just as the demon threw the angle blade in his hand, impaling it into Dean’s stomach. 

Before you could even react Sam rounded the corner with Ruby’s knife, stabbing the damn thing in the neck, effectively killing it as it’s body flashed and fell to the floor. 

You turned and made your way over to Dean, who was now laying on his back, a blank look threatening to cross over his face, the angel blade laying on the ground next to him that he’d obviously pulled out of his own body.

“DEAN!” you yelled, slapping the side of his face, attempting to keep him awake, your hand pressed over the profusely bleeding wound in his stomach as his piercing green eyes searched for you through the darkness that threatened to try and overtake him.

“Y/N?” he asks weakly before reaching out to you, finding the side of your face, tears streaming down it now that you didn’t even notice, grabbing the hand he had stretched out to you. His skin was pale against yours, you vaguely hear Sam yell for Cas, but nothing really registered aside from the fact that you were about to lose Dean. 

Your mind was mush as you looked down into the eyes you never really allowed yourself to look into before. 

You realized now how stupid you were. All this time you refused to see what was right in front of you. You pushed him away, and all he was trying to do was show you how much he truly cared about you. 

“Dean, you stupid jackass why didn’t you just let it kill me?” you ask, putting your hand on the side of his face, and with the last little bit of strength he seemed to have in his body he leaned down into your hand. 

“Because I couldn’t watch the woman I’m in love with die, even if she does hate me,"  Dean said, one big tear rolling down the side of his face. Fighting to keep his eyes open he looked at your shocked expression. 

Something inside of you always knew, but for some reason your own fears and insecurities made you push him away, and now you were standing here wondering if it was too late. 

"Dean, I’m so sorry. I didn’t see what was right in front of me,” you mumble to him through your own tears.

Dean’s eyes were being too close, and his skin became paler, he was losing the fight to stay conscious as Sam desperately tried to contact Cas.

“Dean wake up!!” you screamed, slapping him in the face a little harder as he struggled to look at you.

“You don’t get to tell me you love me, and then just lay down and die!”

With that, a flutter of wings sounded behind you, and two long fingers pressed down on Dean’s forehead, a blinding light appeared throughout the room. 

For a moment you all thought Cas was too late until Dean’s eyes fluttered open with a deep breath.

Wrapping your arms around him as he set up on the floor you held him to you as close to you as you could, tears flowing freely now down your face as relief washed over you, you almost lost what you so stupidly pushed away, but you were never going to do that again; from now on you were going to let him in.

No one had ever given their life for you before, and you had a lot of making up to do with Dean. 

You’d hurt him, you see that now, and you were determined never to do it again. You were wrong, and you almost let the best thing that ever happened to you die. One of the things you wanted the most but were too scared to let him in. It was right in front of you, it always was. Yet you almost lost it out of your own bitterness, and stupidity. 

“I’m so sorry, Dean,” you whispered to him as you clung to each other as if either let the other go, then you’d both lose everything.

“Y/N s'okay, I’m stubborn too,” Dean said before a clearing of a throat behind you made you both break apart, and look up at each other. 

“So, can we kill the chick flick moment, and get our asses out of here before we get caught?” Sam said, looking around you saw that Cas was already gone, leaving just the three of you.

Dean stood to his feet, still a little wobbly, but otherwise fine. You wrapped your arm around his waist to help steady him as you both made your way to Baby.

It was a quiet ride back to the motel room, and you brought Dean to your room instead of his own so that you could keep an eye on him. You didn’t want him to be away from you, now that you almost lost him you didn’t want to let him get out of eyesight. 

Once you were both cleaned up and changed Dean laid down on the bed next to you, and for the first time you laid your head down on his shoulder, and let him wrap his arms around, pulling you tightly to him.

“So does this mean you don’t hate me now?” Dean asks carefully, afraid that he’d mess things up for himself again.  

You looked up into the olive green eyes that you were very quickly falling in love with, or maybe you always had been, but you just wouldn’t let yourself feel it.

“I don’t hate you, Dean, I never have, I was just too afraid to let you get too close. This life that we live, it’s not really built for relationships, and everyone I’ve ever let get close I’ve lost.”

Dean looked at you knowingly. He’d lost a lot too, and you never really let yourself see how it affected him, selfishly you were only worried about yourself.

“Sweetheart, there’s a high chance one of us may die tomorrow, but we can’t be afraid to get close to people just because we’re scared to lose them. I’ve lost just about everyone I’ve ever loved, but I can’t not love you, I have since the moment I met you, and I will as long as I’m breathing.”

You swallowed hard, trying to think of what to say. 

“I love you too Dean, but I’m going to need time to get used to this, whatever it is that we are." 

Dean pressed his lips lightly to yours for the first time in a soft, gentle kiss that spread warmth through you like you’d never felt before, and peace washes over you for the first time in years. 

"We’ll take it one day at a time, there’s no rush,” he said to you as he pulled the covers tighter around the two of you, exhaustion of the day getting the better of the both of you.

You didn’t know what tomorrow will bring, you may get him ripped away from you before the sun comes up, but he was right about one thing, you could take it one day at a time, for as long as you had. Even though it wouldn’t be easy, it would be worth it. 

You loved each other, and he’d already proven that he’d die for you, so you weren’t going to be an idiot and let him slip away. This was it, this was where you were meant to be, right here in his arms. This was the home you were looking for, and it was always right there in front of you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tag List: 

@deanwanddamons​​ @imabitch4jensen​​ @rvgrsbrns​​ @bi-danvers0​​ @onethirstyunicorn​​ @i-love-superhero​​ @akshi8278​ @alanegaming​ @magssteenkamp​ @lemondropirwin​ @squirrelnotsam​ @hobby27​ @spnbaby-67​ @mrsjenniferwinchester​ @defenderrosetyler​

[morningstarships]

am i a monster? - bnha s/i oneshot

this is a self shipping fic so if u self ship w/ dabi and ur uncomfortable with sharing him, heres ur warning!! ;w;

i’m vv proud of this!! pls consider rbing it !!

TW!! Death, Eye trauma, mentions of killing, and trauma.

word count - 2.2k

summary - apollo gets a blast from the past.

ships: dabi x apollo, dadzawa

Ever since they were a kid, Apollo knew they’d never live up to expectations of their peers. And of course, they always heard the basic, ‘Oh, you have such a strong quirk! I’m sure you’ll make a perfect hero one day!’

But they genuinely never expected to be standing on a building, purple and blue fire spread across the horizon, hand linked with a villain. Their eyes were sparkling with delight. The sight of fire made them giddy, their heart beating a mile a minute.

“You seem to be enjoying yourself.” Dabi’s rough voice made their heart skip a beat. “I’m glad you are, doll. It’s nice to see that pretty face light up.”

“Don’t be so cheesy.” Apollo nudged him, but that only made him chuckle.

“C’mon, darlin’, let’s get going.” His hand linked with theirs, eyes trained on them. Apollo glanced down at the flames once again, eyebrows furrowed.

Any negative thoughts were pushed down by a gentle kiss to their temple, Dabi’s voice coming out in a hum of amusement. The two walked off, entering the warp gate that Kurogiri had left open for them.

“Took you long enough.” Tomura’s voice was a soft grumble, the male sitting at the bar. Dabi rolled his eyes, but bit his tongue.

“Sorry, Shiggy. It was my fault.” Apollo smiled gently at Tomura, who just huffed. “I wanted to watch the fire.”

“Whatever.” Tomura scratched at his neck. “We’re running low on food.”

“I’ll go pick some stuff up.” Apollo tied up their hair with a grin. “Anything specific you want?”

“Just don’t get those shitty TV dinners. I’m sick of those.” Dabi spoke from the couch. Apollo raised an eyebrow, but shrugged.

“Alright, King Tut.” A teasing smile tugged at their lips. He snickered at their taunts, kicking back to relax. Apollo went to their shared room, changing into a baggy hoodie and sweatpants. Usually they would just ask Tomura for the money to feed everyone, but…

With how down in the dumps everyone was feeling, Apollo wasn’t gonna ask Tomura for his money. He needed it. Besides, their last job, they had gotten paid like they could get an entire grocery store. Paid for killing a well known pro hero...

A soft sigh left their parted lips, their boots thumping lightly once they left the room.

“Be careful, kitten.” Dabi called out.

“You’re telling me to be careful?” Apollo’s grin was mischievous, arms crossed.

“Oh, my bad. Maybe I should tell the cashier at the store to be careful.” Dabi snickered. Apollo’s boots thumped as they walked towards the male. They ruffled up his hair, snickering at the frustrated groan he let out. Before he could even snap at them, Apollo peppered kisses onto his face. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“Oh yeah?” Apollo pinched his cheek. “What would happen if you didn’t?”

“I’ll keep that to myself.” Dabi flashed them a lazy grin. “Now go get food before I starve to death.”

“Whatever you say, stinky man.”

“Hey! I smell fine!”

“Uh-huh.” Apollo snickered. They fixed their sleeves, then walked out of the hideout. Their mood was lifted, a small smile resting on their pale face.

God, they had it bad for him. Every time he spoke… Every time he looked at them with those eyes… Fuck. They cracked their knuckles, heart beating quick.

The walk to the store was leisurely. Thankfully they lived close to one. Their eyes were focused on their phone, replying to a stupid text that Dabi sent. They weren’t paying attention to their general surroundings when the small villain bumped into someone.

“Shit!” Apollo’s eyes snapped up to look at the person, eyes widening when they saw who it was. “S-Sorry.”

“It’s no problem. Just watch where you’re going next time.” Aizawa’s dull voice filled their heart with dread. When was the last time they actually ran into him? The training camp incident? No, Dabi took care of him in that…

“Y...Yeah.” There was no doubt that he recognized them. But if he would say anything…

Apollo pushed the feelings down, choosing to grab a cart and rush away. They didn’t want to stick around to find out. Knowing him, he wouldn’t make a scene in public. Unless he changed…

No. He hadn’t seemed to follow them at all, which made them let out a sigh of relief. They were going to leave him a present again. Since he saw them, however…

Apollo’s fingers twitched lightly, eyes narrowed. They needed to make this quick. They went down each aisle, making sure to get stuff that would actually fill the others up. Pre-made, but still good. They made sure there was some stuff for themselves. Sweets, mostly, that would probably be consumed within days. They’d have to hide that stuff, since Toga had an affinity for stealing their snacks.

Apollo refused to get seafood. Dabi and them both despised the crap. It stunk up the entire hideout and nobody ate the garbage in time. They added up everything in their head, eyebrows scrunched up. Their cart was already almost full, but…

Their multicolored eyes landed on an intricately decorated cake, different fruits lining the top and side. They swiped it from the shelf, balancing it on top of everything else. Toga and Twice would be ecstatic.

Apollo was quick to checkout and pay. Aizawa was nowhere in sight, forcing Apollo to let out a sigh of relief. They weren’t ready.

The cold nipped at their skin, the moon gleaming. The bags they held were digging into their arms, but they pushed through.

Apollo stopped at the corner of the road, pointed ears twitching.

“You might as well come out.” Apollo spoke softly, eyes narrowed into slits. “Eraser.”

“I knew it was you.” Aizawa stepped out with a sigh, staring at the smaller person. Apollo turned to face him, fangs bared.

“No shit. You’re not stupid.” Apollo’s voice was filled with malice. They weren’t angry with him. It wasn’t his fault they decided to go AWOL. “What do you want?”

“I just want to talk.”

“I have to get home. The ice cream will melt.” Apollo sighed. “Just say what you wanna say.”

“I’ve seen your crimes on TV. Is that really what you want to be doing for the rest of your life?”

“It’s better than being housepets for the police. Spending your life fighting against people who were deemed ‘evil’ by society.”

“That’s because you are evil. Or at least misguided.” Aizawa sighed softly. “I don’t want to fight you.”

“...Neither do I. But you’ll just follow me if I walk away.” Apollo sneered. Their heart was beating in their ears, eyes narrowed. “What do you want me to say?”

“...I don’t know.”

“You have to understand. I couldn’t just...become a soldier in some stupid war. That’s all hero work is. UA too. You claim to help children become heroes, but it was just training children to be soldiers for the police.” Aizawa hadn’t spoken, so they continued. “What would’ve happened if I stayed? Become some sidekick to a big agency? Hero work is so stifling.”

“So, instead, you chose to leave your life behind. And what? Live a life of thievery?” At those words, Apollo scoffed. “Just like the men that came into your home that night…”

“Don’t you DARE talk about that. You weren’t there!”

“I raised you. If anything, I know you better than anyone ever could.”

“Why do you act like heroes are so much better than us?!”

“Because they are.” That pissed them off. They snarled lowly, eyes narrowed into slits.

“Then WHY are they so easy to KILL?!” Their teeth were bared, eyes wide with rage. Aizawa widened his eyes, hands curling into fists. “Everyone has a hit out for them.”

“You’re the one who killed him?”

“Yeah. I was.” Apollo felt the adrenaline rush through their veins, a vicious grin spreading across their face. “I watched the life drain from his eyes. He called out for his wife and children. It was pathetic.”

“I raised you to b-”

Aizawa’s words were cut off when Apollo placed the bags down.

“You raised me to be a bootlicking pussy. I carved my own path and I’m doing great!”

“You call ‘living in squalor’ great?” Aizawa sneered. “I don’t want to fight you. And we both know I can end this in an instant.”

“Maybe you could when I was younger. But I’m stronger now.”

The streets were almost empty, which was good for them. Not so much for him. He wouldn’t even get a chance to use his quirk.

Their fingers snapped, purple flames shooting from the tips within seconds. Maybe they wouldn’t have to fight him…

Nope.

His scarf came barreling towards them, the cloth wrapping around their arms and waist. He had already erased their quirk. Shit.

“Piece of fucking shit…” Apollo’s voice was a loud snarl. He was pulling them towards him… That was good.

“If you stand down now, I’ll go easy on you.” The two came face to face, his eyes wide. Apollo’s expression softened. They just needed him to loosen the grip on their arms.

“Do you think I can change?” Their voice quivered. Crocodile tears. They felt the grip loosen. “You really are an idiot.”

A knife was pulled from their pocket as quick as possible, the stench of blood filling their senses.

“Oh, what a shame.” Apollo mused. Aizawa’s grunt made them grin. How much of an awful child were they? “You can’t use your quirk with only one eye, now, can you? Poor Eraserhead.”

“You’re a damn monster…” His words did sting. Instead of crying like a little bitch about it, Apollo just let out a mocking laugh.

“It’s been fun.”

Apollo walked back to the corner of the street, lifting the bags from the ground. Ugh. The ice cream was melting. They placed a palm on the concrete with a gentle sigh.

“Maybe we’ll meet again, Eraser.”

Crimson liquid had fallen to the ground in front of them, Aizawa standing over them with grit teeth. They raised an eyebrow.

He was persistent. How annoying.

Apollo could’ve done more to harm him. But honestly? What was the point? They created a tall cement wall between the two. It was just to keep him from seeing where they went.

Well…

At least the rest of their walk home was calm.

They had left the hideout in a great mood.

Apollo’s face was emotionless when they entered the hideout. It was hard to tell that they were even upset. To the naked eye, at least.

Dabi could tell otherwise.

The bags were dropped to the floor with a heavy thud, Apollo letting out a quiet sigh.

“You guys can put this shit away.” Two bags remained looped on their arm, which were the copious amounts of sweets they had grabbed for their mouth only.  

“Why the hell sh-” A sharp glare made Tomura shut his mouth.

“I’m going to bed.” Apollo’s voice was dull, eyes focused on the ground. “Don’t be too loud.”

Dabi sat up from the couch with a frown etched into his features. The heavy thump of their boots faded as they entered the bedroom.

“Hey, doll.” Dabi’s voice made them sigh. Not now. He couldn’t see them like this… So damn vulnerable. They had busied their hands with stashing away the snacks, back facing him. He could tell. Damn him. “Rough trip?”

“...Am I a monster?” Apollo’s voice was barely a whisper. They knew the answer. For fucks sake, they killed people for money. Of course they knew what the answer was.

“No.” That wasn’t what they were expecting. “Sure, the heroes might label us as that, but babe. Look at me.” Tears were brimming in their eyes. “Let me see that pretty face, darlin’.”

Apollo turned to face him, hot tears rolling down their cheeks. Pathetic. He must’ve been thinking that. How could a villain like them be crying over a simple word?

“What happened?” Dabi cupped their face in his hands, eyebrows furrowing up in concern. “C’mon, kitten, you can tell me.”

“I-I…” Apollo hesitated. Would he get angry? “...I ran into Eraser at the store. He recognized me. He called me a monster.”

“That fuckin’ asshole…” Dabi’s eyes narrowed into slits, but he put aside his anger towards the hero and pulled the smaller villain into his chest. “You’re not a monster. Trust me. I’ve seen monsters. It’s the ones the Hero Commission are protecting, not us.”

His hands, warm to the touch, rubbed circles into their back. They felt their body slowly melt into the touch, hands gripping the front of his shirt.

“Besides, with the amount of blood on you, that bastard will be out of commission for a while.” His laugh was breathy and light, which made Apollo smile. He was right. “Now.” Dabi tilted their head up with a finger under their chin. “You know what we’re gonna do?”

“What?”

“We’re gonna go cut into that cake you got, drink, and be so sickeningly sweet, just to annoy the boss.” It was their turn to laugh. It was loud, a fanged grin spreading across their face.

“That sounds like a plan.”

“Good.” Dabi caught their lips in a gentle kiss. “I love ya, sunspot.”

“Love ya too, Cremation boy.” Their first nickname for him had stuck like glue. He didn’t mind. He pulled his jacket off, wrapping it around their body and pressing a soft kiss on their temple.

“Let’s go.”

[firesfelt]

{ tyler posey, 25, genderfluid, he/him/they/them ) NEVAEH ANDREWS was seen listening to NOSERINGS AND SHOESTRINGS BY NINA NESBITT on their way to BARTENDER. NEV is known to be PROTECTIVE & TEMPERMENTAL.

oh lewk it’s pacey back again with some more gremlin children. first of all, i’m pouting over the fact that the addition of nev means my streak of only using fcs with names that begin with ‘a’ is over, but we had a good run ! also forgive me that this intro won’t match the others but i cannot be arsed to faff around with photoshop rn. plus i have a zoom thing in like an hour so let’s see if i can get enough info out in that time let’s goooooo.

so nev is,,,,,,, a little shit.

the tldr of them is they’re a musically inclined pasta lover with really great intentions, but a horrible execution. they’re currently attempting to get custody of their two youngest siblings ( the other sibling being my other Newest Addition, farrow, who is far less delusional about how likely nev getting custody is ) after the death of their beloved mother. very much here for the bants and a good joke, anxious 70% of the time, v protective, very much a mess. 

the extended version is as follows: nev’s mama was a humble seventeen when they were born, much to the displeasure of her family. upon hearing she was expecting, miss harmony andrews was promptly disowned and never spoken to again. charming. she did everything she could to provide for nev ( and later, their three siblings ) and build a good life for them. their dad didn’t stick around for very long at all, and was gone by the time nev made it into the world, so it was just harmony and lil nev for a long time. my gal thought she was being original with their name, and didn’t realise it was kind already a name people had, and a name usually given to baby girls, but she didn’t care --- nor does nev. they love their name; their mum gave it to them.

their mum was pretty unlucky in love over the years, but she did get three more kiddos out of her failed endeavours. all the kids have different dads, but nev really hates anybody referring to them as their ‘half-siblings’ -- they’re just their siblings, y’know ?

they were a super tight family, and one of their distant relatives forgot to write their mama out their will before kicking the bucket, so guess who eventually got a house too ? life was grand, all was good

nev was always an anxious creature though, which eventually lead to full-blown anxiety as they got older. it reached its peak when they were a teenager, and there was a rlly rough period of time where they sought help via inpatient, and has been doin better since, but obviously still struggles ( and obviously the death of their mum has made things worse )

their littlest sister is the absolute light of their life ( honestly, they’d be happy just getting custody of her, but morally they’re like,,, well if i wanna raise her i should prolly try with my brother too lmao rip ) and while they and farrow don’t always see eye to eye, they’re p close 

but at the end of the day, nev isn’t a suitable guardian. they work nights, don’t earn anywhere near enough to fully support themselves let alone two kids, don’t have their own place and are currently crashing with a friend and his parents, and the kids’ social worker has definitely seen them lose their shit inappropriately at least once or twice. it’s just,,, not gonna happen ? his hatred for the kids’ foster parents is incredibly irrational, and they’re just not.......... Right ( ???? ) in this scenario. like, they feel the kids should be with them and that’s what’s best for them, but it just............ isn’t ?

so there’s like a lot of angst in this kid’s life

but legit it’s not all doom and gloom, they’re an absolute meme of a person in general 

they’re pretty good at their job tho ! they can be super chatty -- one might even say charismatic if they’re being generous -- and friendly, and they really know their way around a bar, so it’s a good time, and they have a good time for a lot of it. but like i said, doesn’t earn them a massive deal to live off of, but it’ll do. i don’t have anywhere sort of in mind in particular, so happy to plot some stuff or whip something up myself !!!

they’ve been in huntsville their entire life, so connections of all kinds are for sure on the table 

( remember when i said i had a zoom thing in an hour ? well rip that was yesterday lmao, lemme finish this up ) 

kiddo’s always been musical, and they’ve been in a long string of bands over the year. love the idea of them currently being in a band w/ some rlly close pals and it’s just the combo that finally Fits ? like their ideas mesh well and they work well together and they have a lot of fun ?? whereas old bands just caused nev grief in the past a lot of the time ??

where emika’s general gender identity is ‘shrug emoji but i’ll go with what i think fits most’ nev’s is more,, they see gender as the spectrum it is, but they’ve just sort of astral projected behind her eyes style and is just an orb sort of floating around above said spectrum, vibing around. 

v aware i have messages to reply to btw ! i’ll be over on discord in a mo, feel free to shoot me an im if you wanna plot ! like i’ve said before, i’m 1000000% game for anything 

hopefully farrow’s intro gets up earlier and easier lmao love you all byeeeeee

[ask-zadr]

Dib: SO THE BABY REVEAL WITH MY FAMILY IS FINALLY HERE! Zim: i don’t know why it TOOK SO LONG! Dib: eheheh.... yeah..... well - zim, gaz, dad and GIR are going to answer a handful of questions from you guys under the cut! It’s quite a long chat, so everything under the cut!

( special thanks to @ohgod-she-draws for the banner & @cephalonghost for playing zim and membrane! )

Dib: okay everyone! we're going to get right into this. there's a reason zim and i have you gathered.

Gaz: ...this better be important. I was in the middle of my game.

Zim: It is VEEEERRRRYYY Important! Much more important than your lil combat simulations!

Membrane: Son, I really have to get back to the lab within the next hour. Could we maybe—

Dib: dad, DAD trust me. it's important. ok zim.. do you want to say it or do you want me to?

Membrane: What could possibly be—

Zim: ZIM IS WITH SMEETS!!!

Membrane: ... Uuuuh...

Gaz: ...wait.... wait what? you have to be kidding me.

Dib: --nope! and.. and dad he means that we're having a baby. zim is pregnant.

Zim: The only “kidding” here is the one that’ll be born from my spooch!

Membrane: I... What...? When did this happen? Is this a natural—He looks as if he’s... Is this why you finally proposed to him...?

Gaz: gross.

Dib: haha... no. we've actually been trying for a baby. buuut... uh. i've had some people send in questions for all of us to answer about zim getting pregnant!

Membrane: Questions? From who? And just how long--

Zim: Two weeks!

Membrane: ... I am very confused right now...

Gaz: dib is doing some dumb blog thing. i don't know.

Dib: ...LET'S GET INTO IT! ahahahah..

Gaz, what are you up to now? What do you do as a career? Have a SO like your brother? Excited to be an aunt?

Gaz: wow, one for me. i work as one of my dad's high security guards and yes, I have a boyfriend. as far as being excited to be an aunt... I guess so. so long as I don't have to clean up after dibs messes.

Zim: You DARE--Eh...?! GIR! STOP BATHING IN SODAS AND GET BACK OVER HERE! 

Membrane: Two weeks... How is that scientifically possible?

GIR: YES MY MASTER. EHEHEHEH. 

Dib: we found out two weeks ago. we've been trying for awhile NEXT QUESTION!

Gir!!! Are you excited about becoming a big brother? / Having a special, little mini-master around? 

GIR: MASTER HAVING MANY AND MANY AND MANYS BABIES! YAAAY 

Dib: i like to take it as a good sign! gir knew before us.

Zim: Hmph, of COURSE GIR would know sooner than your silly pregnancy stick things. He is FAR superior technology than they are! 

Membrane: Many babies...?

Dib: i think he's talking about zims want for more after this. 

Gaz: you both need to see how you'll be after the first before even considering another. 

Dib: right. uhm. next question.

How are you guys gunna explan the pregnancy science?

Membrane: Yes, I am rather curious about that myself. Research has proven it possible for anyone to carry a child through artificial implantation. And that would explain why it's developing so-- 

Zim: Nonsense! We just did the sex until ZiM's superior body finally accepted the Dib's human-ness. 

Membrane: I...

Dib: i think i know why you're confused. i'm not going to get too into it but uh, zim was technically born female but he's genderfluid. so we had a baby the natural way! 

Gaz: let's not get into what you two had to do to make  a baby... eugh. 

GIR: THEY WENT VER-- 

Dib: NEXT QUESTION!

Careful, Dib. If you get a dad bod, you might end up in the same mess your father is in with the fandom.

Dib: i don't understand what this means...

Gaz: oh god....

Zim: Silence, GIR! 

Membrane: I am also very confused by that statement...

Dib: care to tell us the mess you are in, father 

Gaz: dib, shut up.

Membrane: No, really! I don't understand what they're referring to. Do they mean how I was voted "Sexiest Scientist of the Year"? That nonsense?

GIR: ---HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!! 

dib: ok ew... nevermind...

Congrats on the engagement! how exciting! sorry if this has been asked before but have you guys thought about potential baby names?

Dib: thank you! we have several names in mind. zim came up with them -

Zim: YES! I have come up with only the most AMAZING of names for them! Kip, Lika, and Dewi if they are "male" and Zal for any little girl smeetling.

Membrane: You certainly have quite a few picked out.

Zim: Of course. I intend to birth a whole ARMY of smeets! 

Membrane: Oh--Uh...

Dib: --zim is only joking!!! he's just very excited about having kids! 

Gaz: I like the name Dewi the most out of those... they're not too bad.

Wait a darn minute.. So who'e much more older, Dib or Gaz? I'm very confused because keeps playing tricks on me! ( Ť^Ť ) Also can i have a hug from the membrane sibs?

Dib: i'm older. gaz isn't even 21 yet. and of course you can have a hug! 

Gaz: i'll pass.

Do Irkens nest? Is Zim compiling all of the pillows and blankets in the house to prepare for the Smeets?

Zim: Only the most softest and comfortablest pillows and Mattresses! I have constructed the GREATEST nest to ever have nested! Any smeet of mine deserves only THE BEST!

Membrane: What is an "Irken"? And nesting? I've never known expecting human mothers to create-- 

Zim: YOU'RE LYING!!

Dib: zim is an alien 

Gaz: just get on with the next QUESTION.

Watch out, either GIR will become hyperprotective of the new sibling or he'll be extremely jealous, and that's not a nice thing to deal with (i've been the jealous toddler)

GIR: I LOVE DA BABIESSSSS 

Dib: GIR is very protective. I have cuts and scratches all over my hand whenever he protects zim's belly. zim just seems to think it's funny. 

Gaz: you just let him maul you? actually... that is pretty funny.

Membrane: Dib, it's rude to call an expecting mother an alien. Though it is good to see that the little robot child has adapted well to all this. Not sure about the biting though... 

Zim: Heheheh~

GIR: I MUST PROTECT DA BABIES!!!! 

Dib: .....next.

What if the smeet doesn’t have a binary gender tho?

Dib: we'd... well they're going to get a name either way. it wouldn't change who they are.

Zim: Eh, gender-schmender. 

Membrane: Gender scientifically has nothing to do with the biological sex of the child.

Congrats on becoming a grandfather, Professor Membrane!! Will you be going by "grandpa", "granddad", or "pop pop"?

Membrane: Ahaha. Well, not quite a grandfather yet...  But, I believe that would essentially be up for the children themselves to choose what they call me. Though I am fairly partial to the classic “grandpa” title. Or “Abuelo”.

Gaz: oh god, dad. you're old! it just really hit me!

Dib: hehehehe. yes he really is!!!!

GIR: ABUELLOOOOO

Membrane: Come now, I'm not THAT old.

Zim: I've seen older.

aAAAA this is all happening so fast for you guys oh my god- is everyone excited or maybe even scared about it? I would be honestly

Gaz: im scared for how they're going to handle the baby. 

Dib: i'm pretty confident! i've been mentally preparing! 

GIR: AND STRESSSSINGGGG

Membrane: It is a rather taxing job. 

Zim: Pssh, as if it would be that hard!

Gaz: this is why i'm concerned.

Dib: FINAL QUESTION!

So what does Dibs family think of the whole "having a smeet" thing

Membrane: Well... I certainly wish I had been told sooner about such a momentous decision.

Gaz: I am just shocked. Neither of them seem like they’d be fit to be parents... but if they’re sure... I’m behind them.

Zim: Hah! That's where your wrong, Dib-sister! There is no one is a BETTER FIT for parenting than the likes of ZiM!

Membrane: My, your little partner is quite enthusiastic about this, isn't he?

Dib: what can I say!? Zim is ready for a family. I am too. a little bit.

GIR: BABIES FOR EVERYONNEEEEEE

[chilling-seavey]

Passchendaele - X

A/N Hmmm...

T/W Mentions of violence, injury, and death

“No way. No bloody way.” Jack chuckled humourlessly, tucking his tin back in his jacket, the freshly lit cigarette balancing between his lips as he leaned back on the rickety wooden chair before taking it from his mouth, narrowed eyes staring at Elizabeth through the cloud of smoke that he blew from his mouth. “Women don’t fight.”

“Says who!” Elizabeth snapped.

“The government, sweetheart. Everyone.” Jack replied slyly. “Women belong at home. Raising the children. You’re lucky enough you got sent out here to be a nurse.”

“Oh, save your breath!” Elizabeth scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest and glared at him.

“I’m saving all of our asses. I’m not going to get myself kicked from the military and arrested because some housewife wants to play pretend.” Jack jabbed, taking another drag of his cigarette.

“You are the most insufferable, narrow minded, pretentious little a-”

“I think we need to take a breath.” Daniel spoke softly from his spot on the hospital bed between the two hot-headed Brits, looking between them with uncertainty spread all over his face. Zach stood at the end of his bed with Daniel’s uniform draped over his arm, his wide eyes flicking between Jack and Elizabeth like their conversation was a tennis match.

“Control your woman, Seavey.” Jack grumbled under his breath, glancing around the privacy wall Elizabeth had set up to look across the hospital floor at the other patients.

“I don’t need your help, Lance Corporal.” Elizabeth snapped, making him look back towards her. “On the contrary, I think I can do just fine without your help. Better, even.”

“Jack…just…can you just do this one thing for us?” Daniel sighed.

“What for?” Jack rolled his eyes.

“For your injured friend. I took a bullet to the leg and this is all I want.” Daniel took Elizabeth’s hand and sent a pout to Jack.

“Christ, you aren’t honestly pulling the wounded soldier card on me.”

“Is it working?”

“Seavey, you of all people know how dangerous it is out there.” Jack spoke softly as if Elizabeth couldn’t hear them. She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“I know, but she wants this. We can all look out for each other right?” Daniel offered. 

Jack looked between their group before sighing and taking another drag of his cigarette, leaning forward with his forearms on his knees, “Fine. But for the record I was forced into this against my will.”

The next day, Jack and Zach brought supplies into the hospital as discreetly as they could, having to pull an extra uniform off one of the deceased men in the trenches and wear it under their own uniforms into the city in order to get it past the officers. Elizabeth continued work as usual, hiding the supplies the men brought her behind the old cattle feed in the back of the church and not speaking of their plan to anyone. Daniel was improving greatly, finally able to stand and walk a little after three days from when he was shot. It was easier when he had Elizabeth to lean on. He couldn’t deny that was an amazing nurse. Exactly three days after the counterattack, Daniel was looking well enough to head back to the trenches which meant it was time for Elizabeth to get rid of her nurses’ uniform in exchange for the soldiers’ one.

Jack and Zach showed up again that same day, helping her to walk Daniel outside, appearing to onlookers that he was simply being sent back to the camps. But they took a turn around the back of the church and into the alleyways, making sure they were hidden from view and Zach stood watch. Jack took his first aid kit from his pocket and pulled out the small pair of scissors.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Daniel asked softly, running his hand through Elizabeth’s blonde curls as she took her veil off and sat on a milk crate.

“I don’t have a choice.” Elizabeth replied, sending him a small smile. Daniel leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek.

“You actually do.” Jack grumbled, walking around Daniel to take place behind her. He grabbed a handful of her soft hair and hacked through it with the scissors.

“Be careful with her.” Daniel whispered to him as the girl winced at his aggression.

“Tell that to the Germans.” Jack replied lowly.

The blonde wisps fell to the cobblestones, the sunlight seeping through the open air of the alleyway seeming to make the discarded hair shine against the stone. Elizabeth kept her eyes down, silent, as Jack cut her hair short. Daniel watched nervously, trying to read what she was thinking from merely her facial expression, but he couldn’t.

When Jack finished, he stood back to admire his work, stopping once more to lean in and clip one more loose strand from over her forehead.

“I did a pretty good job if I do say so myself.” Jack nodded once.

Elizabeth raised her hand to her hair, finding it cut short and pushed away from her face, a shocking comparison to her usual shoulder length curls.

“Thank you, Lance Corporal.” Elizabeth spoke softly, offering him a light smile. She turned to Daniel and absolutely beamed at him, “How do I look, darling?”

“Still beautiful.” he smiled.

“You two can’t be doing that on the front lines. It’ll blow your cover right away.” Jack scolded, waving the scissors in the air between them.

“We’re not on the front lines.” Elizabeth retorted, pulling Daniel down by his sleeve to kiss him.

“Christ sakes.” Jack grumbled, looking away from them. “Can we get a move on here? Lieuten… uhm… Sergeant Besson will be expecting us.”

Elizabeth jumped up from the milk crate and reached behind the stack of feed to pull out the uniform and kits that Zach and Jack managed to pull from the camp, and from the dead. The three men looked away as she changed, minds reeling as how they were expected to even pull this off.

“Private Fisher at your service, gentlemen.”

The three turned around to see Elizabeth dressed in their similar uniform, her wide smile on display as she spun around slowly. It fit her surprising well all the way down to her boots that were a size too big but still worked, her cap sitting nicely over her trimmed hair. The old blood stains on the uniform made her fit in even better.

“Ah, shit, she doesn’t have a rifle.” Zach sighed, setting his hands on his hips.

“We can take one from the camp when we get there. There’s plenty.” Jack mumbled, eyeing the woman in front of them. “Christ, we might actually get away with this.”

“I feel good!” Elizabeth beamed.

“You look good.” Zach agreed.

Daniel nodded, his expression faltering a little. The blood stains on the uniform made him nervous about taking her out there, all the way to the front lines were men get picked off easier than all hell, dropping around him left and right. What if a German man in hand to hand battle started choking her out? There was no way she was strong enough to fight him off.

“Dani,” Elizabeth whispered, taking his face in her hands to get him to look at her, “It’s going to be okay.”

“We’ll take good care of her, won’t we?” Zach tossed his arm around Elizabeth’s shoulders, making her smile over at him.

“Yeah.” Daniel forced a smile.

“Now hurry up and kiss her one last time before Zach gives her the dog tags and she becomes a man.” Jack demanded impatiently.

Daniel leaned down to kiss her, feeling her smile into it, his arms wrapping around her waist. She pushed him back gently after a few seconds, patting her hand softly against his chest with a loving smile.

“Here you go.” Zach draped the dog tags around her neck, and she tucked them under her uniform. “It’s important that you go by that name that’s stamped on there.”

“We’ll go over everything on the ride back to St. Julien.” Jack said, ushering them all out of the alleyway and back towards the city square out front of the church.

Elizabeth fiddled with the button on her collar as she walked quickly after the three young men, her boots struggling to stay put with each step. She stayed partially hidden behind them as they climbed into the back of the waiting truck.

“Good to have you back, Private Seavey.” the driver said.

“Good to be back, sir.” Daniel replied as they all sat down, Elizabeth squished between Daniel and Zach and she kept her head down. On the drive out of Ypres, the guys quizzed Elizabeth quietly on all she needed to know about their advances and her place in their section.

“It’s always ‘yes, sir’, ‘no, sir’.” Zach said as they pulled up towards camp.

“Salutes in greeting and parting.” Daniel added.

“And honestly just keep your mouth shut unless spoken to.” Jack finished as he hoped out of the back of the truck. 

Elizabeth peered out at the tent filled camp, men busying themselves around the area, doing laundry or cooking meals, some resting in the grass. She followed their small group from the truck, watching as Zach slunk into one of the tents as casually as he could behind the older men who were busy chatting and he snagged an extra rifle and a box of bullets. He rushed after their group towards the trenches, handing Elizabeth over her new weaponry and she slung the rifle over her shoulder as she walked, opening the pouch on her hip for Zach to pour in the .303s.

She thanked him softly with a smile.

“Stop smiling.” Jack snapped under his breath. “Men are dying around us. There’s no reason to smile.”

Elizabeth glared at his back as he led them through the winding trenches. Daniel fell into next to her, having to greatly restrict himself from reaching out to hold her hand as they walked. It definitely wasn’t their usual stroll in park from back home.

“Single file, bloody idiot.” a passing man jabbed, ramming right into Elizabeth’s shoulder. She slunk in step behind Daniel, neither speaking a word as they marched after Jack.

They didn’t know where they were headed but they didn’t dare question Jack, his patience already running thin from the whole situation that he was pretty much forced into. They had been walking a while, finally reaching the front line and he turned sharply to head down it. It always felt like a different world at the front line, as if the world fell more silent, the shock faced men caked in dirt and blood staring up at them hollowly as they passed. It was a sight Daniel certainly didn’t miss. He was glad Elizabeth wasn’t walking beside him anymore because he didn’t think he could handle seeing her reaction to the true horrors of the front lines. And to think there wasn’t even a battle going on.

The regret for letting her follow her desire to do this was eating Daniel alive and each step made him feel more and more sick. It didn’t help that his leg wasn’t completely healed yet either.

Jack finally stopped them in a secluded area, a small bulge in the line for the lookouts to take stand. It happened to be empty, so he took up that opportunity to show Elizabeth the proper position for battle, trying to fit eight weeks worth of full military training into the span of a few minutes. She obviously couldn’t fire in fear of triggering an enemy response, but she could aim, carefully resting the tip of her rifle on the parapet. Jack pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it as he eyed her closely, adjusting her arms or the way her leg was angled.

Daniel and Zach watched silently from behind them.

“Stand To is every morning at daybreak.” Jack explained quietly, smoke tumbling from his lips. “We’ll take this position in case of enemy fire.”

“So we shoot first?” Elizabeth asked softly.

“Christ, Fisher.” Jack groaned, taking off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose tiredly, his cigarette balanced between two fingers. “This is why women don’t do this. No. It’s preparation in case the Germans start shit.”

“Okay. Sorry.” Elizabeth mumbled, moving back from her position.

“It’s ‘sir’ or Lance Corporal to you, Private.” Jack snapped, pushing his glasses back on, “And I didn’t say you can stand down.”

Elizabeth rushed out an apology and got back into position.

Jack looked to Daniel and Zach, his expression nothing but unpleased, and blew out a puff of smoke, keeping his narrowed eyes at the two younger men as he spoke over his shoulder to the girl, “You’re going to kill us all, Fisher, I hope you know that.”

[kayincolwyn]

Whatever It Means To Be Human (Easter reflection, 4/12/2020)

As many others throughout the world have been pointing out over these last couple months, these are strange times that we're living in.

Back in December around Christmas I started getting sick, and in January I had to go to the ER for some kind of infection that was giving me a sore throat as well as a fever and headache, got a look over and a prescription for a week long course of penicillin which seemed to knock out the infection (and later got hit with a 1200 bill for that ER visit, because my insurance didn’t cover it, that I still need to pay back, which I was livid about when I first found out about it but now am trying to accept as best I can because I have bigger things to worry about). A couple weeks later I had a followup checkup (with a very sweet and very pretty nurse, so no complaints there) and I remember staff at the clinic being pretty jumpy about some virus over in China (now widely known around the world as the coronavirus, or Covid 19) that I honestly hadn't heard about before then, and they were asking me if I had traveled to China or had any interaction with anyone from there, and of course I said no, and I remember being kind of annoyed by their jumpiness at the time. Well, needless to say, now I can see why they were being so jumpy.

I've had some kind of bug or another off and on since then, like a lot of people do in the wintertime, but because of, well, 'everything that's going on' (a phrase I've been using and I've heard a lot of people using lately, like it's become some kind of collective cultural meme) I find myself worrying much more than usual about a little cough or stuffy nose or feeling a little under the weather. At first, like a lot of people, I thought this was no big deal, that it would be another of those diseases that infected a few people but would be quickly contained, and then when that didn't happen I thought, like a lot of younger folks, that I would be fine and just needed to worry about older folks that I care about, but now I know that I could potentially be taken out by this virus too, and even at the ripe old age of 37, so now I worry about myself as well as others, and I admit that, while I’m trying to be brave, part of me is scared.

Even with that worry and anxiety, and with the whole world changing so drastically in just a matter of weeks, I'm still working (with the realization that janitorial work has more value than perhaps I initially thought or felt) and still busing it to and from work and going to the grocery store as needed, while usually wearing my newly acquired neoprene half mask (with inserted filters provided by a friend) like armor, and while washing my bloody hands more than at any other time in my life, and while trying to boost my immunity as best I can with vitamins and supplements of various kinds. Strange times indeed.

I admit it's kind of odd to be considered an 'essential worker', to hear some even hailing people in my position as 'heroes on the frontline' or something like that, when for years I've felt that being a janitor was equal to being at the bottom of the totem pole, and over the years I have on occasion been made to feel less than by others because of my place on the totem pole (though to be fair I've also received my share of gratitude and kindness from others concerning my work as well, which I'm thankful for and appreciate). I mean, I don't really see myself as particularly heroic (I see doctors and nurses and other healthcare workers who are directly risking their lives in order to save others as far more heroic than myself, for example), but just as a guy trying to do his job in order to provide some service to others while also making a living, but I appreciate the validation nevertheless.

As an 'essential worker' (though even among 'essential workers' I still feel like I'm at the bottom or at least near the bottom of the totem pole), I just want to say that I feel that we all have a part to play in this world, that we all have something that we can contribute to the world, even if it may not seem like much.

Like I have seen some people online ragging on celebrities for trying to entertain others from the safety and comfort of their homes (with many of them being out of work at the moment for obvious reasons) but I would say that trying to entertain or encourage others in whatever way you can, even from a distance, can be meaningful and has its place, because we could all use a little entertainment and encouragement sometimes. I mean, for example, people out there can rag on Gal Gadot for trying to sing Imagine with a bunch of other celebrities who may or may not have any musical talent or ability in some online video, but even as cheesy and cringe-inducing as that may be, I still loved her as Wonder Woman (and through that role she has inspired many people, including many young women and girls) and I appreciate her desire, as well as the desire of everyone in that video, to uplift others in some way. Heck, even just trying to stay home as much as possible, trying to keep your distance from others, trying to be mindful of others, as she and many other celebrities as well as everyday people have been and are doing, in this time can be meaningful and shouldn't be completely discounted.

And to me it's not about being 'essential' or not, or 'heroic' or not, it's just about being human, and doing what you can to be a decent human in whatever way you can.

Of course being human is hard, as every human, no matter who they are or where they are, gets their share of suffering and sorrow in some way or another or at some time or another in their lives (though to be fair some certainly do seem to get a bigger share than others, and some comparatively less), and being a decent human is even harder, as it's often a challenge to do some good or do the right thing with all your faults and flaws and with all your limitations and shortcomings, and then going above and beyond that and being someone that most others would think of as a 'saint', well, that seems nigh impossible.

And what does it mean to be human anyway?

I guess that brings me to something that's been on my mind, and is on my mind more now what with it being Easter and having Jesus on the brain a little more than usual (hey, you can take the boy out of the Christianity but you can't take the Christianity out of the boy).

In times like this where the world is shaken up and we're in a semi-apocalyptic state of mind, where our mortality not just individually but collectively is more in question than usual, the question of what it means to be human looms large for many of us, along with those often asked questions about where we come from, why we're here, where we're going... you know, the usual fare.

Lately I've been reading some books by former evangelical Christians, including Unfollowed by Megan Phelps-Roper, granddaughter of Fred Phelps, founder of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church, as well as books by Frank Schaeffer, son of Francis Schaeffer, an influential evangelical thinker and theologian.

Being a former evangelical Christian myself who is trying to find his way after questioning and deconstructing and for the most part walking away from that way of seeing and operating in the world, I can resonate with much of what they have to say and share, like the pain and loneliness there is in walking away from a community that you can no longer agree with to try and find your own path, or how with freedom to think for yourself comes an uncertainty that you have to get used to because now it's on you to decide what you will believe and where you will stand rather than just following what others have taught you or told you, or the mixed feelings about who you were and where you were when it wasn't all bad and it's part of who you are today and even while you don't want to, and really can't, go back, you're still grateful for it somehow.

And in their books they both wrestle with what it means to be human, what it means to be a good person, with the value of life and the value of love, because those questions and concerns still matter to them whether God or some higher power exists or not, just as they still matter to me on some level.

I've also been thinking a bit about Fred Rogers, better known to the world as Mister Rogers, the widely beloved children's TV host, after watching the recent film which stars Tom Hanks as Rogers, A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood, as well as the documentary Won't You Be My Neighbor?, and listening to a podcast about him called Finding Fred.

My late friend Erin McCarty was a big fan of Fred Rogers (I even sent her this Mister Rogers t-shirt that I found at a thrift store which she wore proudly in some of her photos on Facebook) whom she saw as a real saint, and she was far from being alone in thinking of him as one. Fred Rogers was one of those people who seemed to go above and beyond just being a decent human, as he was by all accounts a highly exceptional human, who, while having his share of quirks and eccentricities, more than most dedicated his life every waking hour to pursuing the good and showing love to others (and most especially children, whom he could be thought to be the patron saint of if he were canonized as a saint I should think) and even in such a way that no one with a sound mind and clear conscience could find any fault in him.

Those closest to him knew that he at times struggled with feeling inadequate, with feeling as though he wasn't really making a difference in the world, like what he was doing wasn't enough, but even so he continued to move forward, continued to try, an artist whose art-form was kindness and empathy (or as that podcast Finding Fred put it ‘a genius at empathy’).

I remember I was talking with a friend of mine about Fred Rogers the other day and he said that he thought if there was anyone who could perhaps have been the second coming of Christ it was Rogers, and while some might think that sentiment a little sacrilegious, I think it's a testament to the respect many people have for the man's character. People may on occasion playfully mock Mister Rogers for some of his mannerisms, for the way he talked or dressed or otherwise expressed himself (though of course much of that was for the sake of the children he was communicating with), but if you were to ask anyone with any sense at all they would admit that he was, if nothing else, a good man.

I guess the same could be said of Jesus, whose teachings about life and love Fred Rogers, being a Presbyterian minister who took his faith seriously (even if he was kind enough and wise enough not to push it on others as many religious folks tend to do unfortunately), sought to follow and apply to his own life as best he could. Many have parodied Jesus in one way or another over the years (in fact the next book I'll be reading just in time for Easter is Lamb: The Gospel According To Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, which I look forward to reading as it sounds like fun) but most would agree that he was, if nothing else, a good man. Even the beloved comedy group Monty Python, most of whom were agnostic or atheist, after studying the gospels in preparation for what would eventually become their classic comedy Life Of Brian, decided against making a film where they mocked Jesus but instead made a film that mocked the church that often failed to follow his example. Instead of focusing on Jesus in the film they decided to focus on a guy named Brian who was mistaken for Jesus, following him on all of his adventures (or misadventures), while occasionally showing the real Jesus respectfully somewhere in the background (much as was done in the film Ben Hur). They said their reason for doing this was that they couldn't help but appreciate much of what Jesus said and did in the gospels, or as they said in their decidedly British way 'you can't take the piss out of it'.

As Frank Schaeffer points out in his book Why I Am An Atheist Who Believes In God (which I thought was a pretty clever title, and one I can kind of resonate with as I’m somewhere in the middle like that myself), some things that Jesus says and does in the gospels, or at least is recorded as saying and doing, don't really make sense or seem inconsistent with the general thread of kindness and empathy that can be seen in Christ's teachings, and having read the gospels at least a couple of times myself (or at least a couple of their English translations anyway, where no doubt much gets lost in translation), I would agree. He wonders if maybe some things were taken out or added in, if the writers sometimes spun some things to bolster their own point of view (which humans tend to do unfortunately), or if some things were simply a result of 'the telephone game' as it were (with most of the gospels probably being written decades after the events that they chronicle took place so that's not really out of the realm of possibility), and he may be right (as much as many Christians out there, especially the more fundamentalist among them, who may believe that scripture is infallible and inerrant, would hate to admit it).

But whatever the case may be, there is still enough of that thread of kindness and empathy in Jesus' story and message that countless people have been inspired by it through the centuries since he was said to have lived and died (and at least according to the Easter story, risen from the dead), including people like Fred Rogers, and also including people like Megan Phelps-Roper and Frank Schaeffer or myself, who even though they no longer identify as Christian still see some value in Jesus’ example and teachings, or at least as they now interpret them.

Many still seek to follow that example and apply those teachings today, including in these very strange, and very difficult, times, trying to walk a path of kindness and empathy when the world seems to be falling apart. I can't really say for sure how much I'm doing that myself, walking that path, with all of my faults and flaws and limitations and shortcomings, but I would like to think or hope that I manage to do a little good each day and get things right at least on occasion.

The truth is though that many of us, including me, feel as though we don't measure up to the standard that someone like Jesus sets (or at least appears to set when you read about the kind of life he led), or even to the standard of someone like Fred Rogers. It just seems nigh impossible to meet that kind of standard. I mean I can't really speak for everyone who struggles with this, but I know that I have often struggled with wondering if I'm good enough, have debated whether I'm making a difference in the world, and have had doubts about whether I am even a decent human, let alone a saint. I feel like I fail or fall short in some way or another every day, feel like I don't care enough, don’t give enough, don't live big enough or love deep enough. Maybe some of my family and friends who see more in me than I see in myself might argue with me on this, but it's still how I feel sometimes, or even much of the time, and is a daily internal struggle for me.

But hearing about Fred Rogers, who some half jokingly (but also half seriously) would call the closest thing to a second coming of Christ that they can think of, having similar struggles gives me some perspective and comfort though, and it makes me wonder if even Jesus himself had such struggles, even if they may not have be written about, even if they were only written in his own heart, as blasphemous as the thought of someone whom many claim and believe to have been the Son of God, or even God in human form, actually struggling with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt may be, but blasphemous or not that thought gives me a strange kind of comfort.

I remember in reading the gospels one of the parts of Jesus' story that resonated most with me was him wrestling in prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane before he was arrested. Just imagining him being scared and uncertain and agonizing in the dirt and just being, well, more human like me, because I've been there too, is somehow encouraging, because if that's God, or a representative of God, or even just a very good man, maybe it's okay for me to be scared and uncertain and to agonize in the dirt too, because maybe I'm not alone in that.

One of the things that Fred Rogers is famous for saying is 'I like you just the way you are'. In the podcast Finding Fred, the podcast host, who greatly admires Fred Rogers, sometimes expressed struggling with that idea, being a black man who has experienced a lot of racism, and also being someone who has been mistreated in a lot of ways by others throughout his life, he wondered how he could like someone just as they were when, well, there was so much wrong with some people out there. One of his guests on the show, another admirer of Fred Rogers, suggested that what Rogers meant by 'I like you just the way you are' wasn't that everyone was perfect in every way, nor that everyone's words or actions or choices should be condoned, let alone praised, or that people didn't need to learn or grow in different ways, but rather that underneath all the dirt and the muck of our imperfection, our imperfect words and actions and choices, and no matter how deeply buried, there is something of value, something of worth, some spark of the divine in us, which can never be completely destroyed, and no matter how much others, or even we ourselves, may try to.

Of course, much like the host of the podcast, many of us struggle with seeing that that is true of those whom many of us would call 'monsters', the murderers and abusers and tyrants of this world, the worst of the worst if you will, but then it appears that Rogers was able to look at people even like that and see something of value and worth in them, seeing something of beauty beneath all of the ugliness, or at least the potential for it anyway.

I think of another man that many could think of as a saint, named Daryl Davis, who is a black man that has made it his mission to try to befriend members of hate groups, including members of the KKK, not in a concerted effort to convert them to his way of seeing things necessarily but simply to give them something to think about through their just knowing him. He has helped many to walk away from the KKK and other such groups simply by extending the hand of friendship to them, and he challenges others to try to break down divides by seeing the humanity in others, including those who are different from us, or even those who hurt us or frighten us.

I also think of Fred Phelps, who was the founder of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church, and who has become an icon of religious hate to many, and what his granddaughter Megan wrote about him in her memoir Unfollowed, how even though to most people he was a terrible human being, even a monster, to her he was her 'Gramps', whom she loved dearly even if looking back she knows that he got a lot of things wrong, and she spoke of how towards the end of his life when he was falling into dementia that he softened considerably, and even to the point that his own church effectively excommunicated him and abandoned him in a retirement home, where Megan and her younger sister Grace, who had recently left the church (and at great personal sacrifice to themselves), snuck in without permission from their family to see him one last time, and Megan says he was mostly lucid at that time, and instead of reproaching them for having left the church he only expressed his love for them in the end. It seems that at the end of his life Fred Phelps didn't cling to his dogma and hate so much as his relationships and love, which is encouraging.

Fred Rogers (the other Fred if you will), whom Fred Phelps himself often mocked as 'a wuss and an enabler of wusses' among other things, even going so far as to protest at his funeral, would have been proud I think that Phelps had come so far at the end, and I am sure he would have said to him 'I like you just the way you are' and I think the humanity buried even in someone like Phelps was what Rogers was pointing to by saying that to everyone he encountered.

Frank Schaeffer spoke of his mother, Edith Schaeffer, in his book Sex, Mom, and God, in much the same way, even going so far as to say that even being straitjacketed by the limitations of her religion and its dogma she was a force of nature and he could see her humanity shine through throughout her life, especially towards the end when, as Fred Phelps did, she softened, and said that ultimately she was better than her beliefs, or that something in her, her humanity, rose above that.

And maybe that humanity, or that divine spark, or whatever you want to call it, was also what Jesus was pointing to and trying to call out, and whether that be in the everyman on the street, or in the seemingly irreparably damaged people that you may find in prisons (or even sometimes in governments) or even among the religious who can get so mired in their ideology and self-righteousness as to forget that spark within them or in others.

It may seem nigh impossible, if not flatly impossible, to live up the standard of what many of us think of as saviors or saints, but I think of a scene in A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood where Roger's wife Joanne says that 'Rodg' (as she affectionately called him) wouldn't want people to think of him as a saint, as he believed that anyone and everyone could walk the path that he walked, or at least tried to walk, and in their own special way.

I also think of how Jesus said to his disciples that they would do even greater things than him, which when you think of the kind of example that someone like Jesus set, namely one where you are willing to die for what you believe in and stand for, that seems like a pretty tall order, but it makes me wonder if, as controversial as this may be and contrary to popular and widespread religious opinion that has been built up around him for centuries, maybe Jesus wouldn't want us to think of him as a savior anymore than Fred Rogers would want us to think of him as a saint, because maybe instead of putting them up on pedestals we're meant to try and follow their example as best we can.

I remember one of the guests in the Finding Fred podcast saying that maybe instead of just looking back on Rogers and his example with admiration and nostalgia, we could also try to be like Fred Rogers ourselves, much as those who seek to follow the way of Jesus (which Rogers himself was trying to follow) instead of just looking back can try to be like him as much as they are able, and in their own special way.

With it being Easter today as I post this, I honestly don't know whether or not Jesus rose from the dead, heck I am not even one hundred percent sure if he even existed (as there are those who argue that he didn't, even if most historians would agree that he did, though most of them think that most of what was written about him was just fanciful legend that was built up around him, which may or may not be the case, because none of us can really know for sure on that since we weren't there, and unless we invent time travel or something it will continue to be a matter of faith, and faith alone), but then I am willing to keep something of an open mind about it, and even with where I am now I can still understand why many look to Jesus as a symbol of hope and the love of God, and why people see something meaningful in the story of his life, death, and resurrection because even if it may not be literally true (and again on that front it is a matter of faith), that doesn’t mean it isn’t mythically true. Whatever the case, I believe that his example and message of kindness and empathy lives on (even if one has to dig through a number of inconsistencies and mistranslations to find it), much as Fred Rogers’ similar example and message lives on.

And I guess this brings me back to 'everything that's going on', and the question of what it means to be human.

One of the things that a lot of people have been saying through this crisis that all of us in the world are facing is that 'we're all in this together' and I think it's safe to say that there's nothing quite like a pandemic to remind us of how much we value our relationships when we are having to keep our distance from others, including those we love, for our good and theirs, and when we are fearing for not only our own health and our own life but also for the health and lives of others.

I recently watched the film Contagion, which came out about ten years ago, and many are seeing it as eerily prophetic as much of the film parallels what is happening now, but one of the underlying messages of that film, as one of my favorite Youtubers, Like Stories Of Old, pointed out, is how much our relationships matter, how much those connections that can so easily be taken for granted matter, when we are faced with existential threats such as the one we seem to be faced with now. More likely than not, as in Contagion, this pandemic, as bad as it may get, will not be the end the world, but it is certainly shaking it up and it appears it will continue to do so for awhile, and in the midst of that all we have for sure is eachother, even if we can only be there for one another mostly at a distance and in spirit.

In A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood there was a moving scene where Rogers says concerning death and how difficult it is to talk about it that 'anything that is mentionable is manageable', and I think the same applies to the situation we are in now, we can face this and face it together, because we're not alone in this mess, not alone in the dirt, even as lonely as it may feel at times.

Our situation is also a reminder (and is another theme in Contagion) of how connected we all are, especially in this globalized world that we now live in. A friend of mine here on Tumblr was telling me in a recent message how this whole situation shows how interconnected we all are, and how every choice we make can impact those around us and can have a domino effect, even having effects, whether positive or negative, that we aren't even aware of.

What he said reminds me of this passage from the classic children's book Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster, which I finished reading for the first time just a couple days ago, where there is this exchange between the book's chief protagonist Milo, accompanied by his loyal companions Tock and Humbug, and the princesses Rhyme and Reason:

“It has been a long trip,” said Milo, climbing onto the couch where the princesses sat; “but we would have been here much sooner if I hadn’t made so many mistakes. I’m afraid it’s all my fault.” “You must never feel badly about making mistakes,” explained Reason quietly, “as long as you take the trouble to learn from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reasons.” “But there’s so much to learn,” he said, with a thoughtful frown. “Yes, that’s true,” admitted Rhyme; “but it’s not just learning things that’s important. It’s learning what to do with what you learn and learning why you learn things at all that matters.” “That’s just what I mean,” explained Milo as Tock and the exhausted bug drifted quietly off to sleep. “Many of the things I’m supposed to know seem so useless that I can’t see the purpose in learning them at all.” “You may not see it now,” said the Princess of Pure Reason, looking knowingly at Milo’s puzzled face, “but whatever we learn has a purpose and whatever we do affects everything and everyone else, if even in the tiniest way. Why, when a housefly flaps his wings, a breeze goes round the world; when a speck of dust falls to the ground, the entire planet weighs a little more; and when you stamp your foot, the earth moves slightly off its course. Whenever you laugh, gladness spreads like the ripples in a pond; and whenever you’re sad, no one anywhere can be really happy. And it’s much the same thing with knowledge, for whenever you learn something new, the whole world becomes that much richer.” “And remember, also,” added the Princess of Sweet Rhyme, “that many places you would like to see are just off the map and many things you want to know are just out of sight or a little beyond your reach. But someday you’ll reach them all, for what you learn today, for no reason at all, will help you discover all the wonderful secrets of tomorrow.”

While I think the main themes of The Phantom Tollbooth are the value of education as well as how you see and experience the world around you, I think this passage could also be applied to how we learn how to live and love, and how you follow a path of kindness and empathy.

It's a process to be sure, and we will all make mistakes along the way, but as Reason says, we can learn more from being wrong for the right reasons than being right for the wrong ones, and trying to apply what we've learned as best we can and holding onto our reasons for doing so is just as important as what we learn. And there's a purpose to it, to living and loving as best we can, and it can impact the world around us, it can be like a ripple in a pond that spreads out in ways we can't know or even imagine, and who knows, maybe it will take us to places that we couldn't have even dreamed of...

Maybe that's something to try remember whenever we get discouraged (and I know I do plenty, as I’m sure most of us do), much like Fred Rogers did, and perhaps even Jesus did, and when wondering whether or not we have cared enough or given enough or lived enough or loved enough, that even seemingly little things can have a great impact and can actually make a real difference in the world.

In Fred Rogers' last television appearance after 9/11 he spoke of how his mother said in times of crisis that you should "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” I remember in the Finding Fred podcast they pointed out how in that message he was speaking to the children who are now grown ups themselves, the ones who had watched his program as they were growing up, and he was pointing to their own humanity, to that divine spark within them, and calling them to become those helpers themselves.

Even in that instance Rogers struggled, as he was so shaken by the enormity of the events of 9/11 that he felt that nothing he said could really help, and yet many, including myself at the time, even not being as familiar with Fred Rogers then as I am now, as I hadn't really watched his show growing up myself (I was more of a TMNT and Transformers kind of kid back in the 80s), were encouraged by what he had to say, and it made an impact, it made a difference. It helped.

And we can help too in our own way, and even if we too may feel shaken up by the events of our own time, these strange times that we're living in, we too can make an impact and a difference, we can help in some way, and however small and inconsequential what we may have to offer may feel, and whether it may feel decent or good or 'essential' or 'heroic' enough or not, we can help, and even if we may not know that we are helping.

As far as the answers to some of those big questions, like where we come from, why we're here, and where we're going, honestly I'm not sure what the answers may be, I mean I have some guesses, but I don't know with absolute certainty (and I'm having to learn to live without that anyway, even as I try to look forward with some hope and look back with some gratitude), but whatever it means to be human, I think it may have something to do with doing what you need to do even when you're worried and scared, with trying as much as you can to lift up others when they're down or maybe even when you're down, with the value of life and of love, with not being alone in the dirt, with seeing some measure of value and worth in jaded and cynical adults as much as you may see it in children, with extending the hand of friendship, and maybe even to those that are different from you, or looking for the humanity even in those that hurt and frighten you, with somehow loving those that others may only see as irredeemable monsters, with seeing the light in someone even if they are held back by things that limit and hem them in, with not insisting that others put us up on pedestals whenever we do some good or get something right but that they try to do the same themselves as best they can just as we are trying to do, with learning and growing in every way we can, with facing difficult times together, with trying to encourage and support and help one another, and even as imperfect as we may be and are. Maybe it has something to do with all of that.

I hope that we'll get through these strange times, that we'll not only survive them but that this may also push us to change some things for the better, that this will push us forward somehow, through death towards resurrection, that this will remind us of our humanity, that spark within us, and while I don't really know why we are in these strange times, or why 'everything that's going on' is going on, really I do hope that in the end it will move us a little closer to finding out, both for ourselves and for eachother, what it means to be human.

[ofcmckenna]

new york’s very own mckenna asher was spotted on broadway street in jimmy choo romy pumps . your resemblance to taylor hill is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-first birthday bash . while living in nyc ,  you’ve been labeled as being materialistic , but also devoted . i guess being a taurus explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be wrists covered in makeup swatches , a perfectly blended halo eye ,  and never being seen without perfectly manicured nails . ( i once made a fake account to expose information about myself just to get more followers ) & ( cis-female & she / her  )  +  ( lia , 19 , she / her , cst . )

hello , loves ! it’s me , lia ( i also play margo ) back again with another trash child that i’m hoping you’ll all love as much as i do <33 i first came up w kenna many years ago and haven’t had the opportunity to write for her in a long long time , so i’m really excited to bring her here ! as always , if you wanna plot go ahead and LIKE THIS and i’ll happily come love you down . if discord is more your jam , hmu there too @ 𝐛𝐛𝐧𝐨$𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥#1904 . love y’all !!! 💕💓💕

S T A T S ↴

-- * FULL NAME : mckenna sophia asher -- * NICKNAME(S) : kenna ( preferred name ), kenny , ken , mick -- * AGE : twenty-one -- * D.O.B : may 10th -- * ZODIAC : taurus -- * GENDER : cis-female -- * ORIENTATION : bisexual biromantic -- * HEIGHT : 5″7 -- * NATIONALITY : american ( has dual citizenship in america and wales ) -- * BIRTHPLACE : colwyn bay , wales -- * OCCUPATION : youtuber / makeup artist -- * TRAITS : devoted , ambitious , hard-working , materialistic , stubborn , patient , sensual , reliable , organized , possessive , imbalanced , attention-seeking

B I O G R A P H Y ↴

honestly i am........ too lazy to make this a nice bio so plz forgive me for settling on bullet points ,, but at least that’s less reading for you !!!!

mckenna’s father is from wales and works as a plastic surgeon for the rich and fabulous and her mother is from new york and works a beautician and stylist for celebrities . together they had 5 children in total , the kid in the very middle being kenna . the family spent most of her childhood living in wales before moving to new york just before mckenna started high school

all of her siblings are really talented . it must be in their genes or something to have an affinity for the arts . her older brother is in a popular band . her older sister is a principal dancer . her younger sister is an incredible painter . and her younger brother is like six so he’s still coming into his own but there’s no doubt that he’ll be a prodigy at something

and what about mckenna ??? well she tried following in her brother’s footsteps by learning a bunch of instruments but none of them clicked . after that she tried to take dance classes with her sister but it was clear to see that she had two-left feet . she could barely draw a perfect circle , so painting like her younger sister was out of the question too . eventually she tried to pursue an acting career , auditioning for tv shows and movies but never booking anything more than a handful of commercials

so she spent a majority of her life feeling pretty inadequate compared to her siblings . she just wanted to be good at something , anything really . and she wanted to be praised for it . luckily , she eventually found her thing . though it was sorta unconventional : kenna figured out that she’s good at makeup . it’s basically an art form in itself and since she had the time on her hands to practice , she got pretty good at it

she started posting her looks on social media , gaining a little bit of attention on her instagram and later even starting a youtube channel ( at the time it was called pinkglitter2234 bc she was like 13 and cringey ). doing makeup and making youtube videos was her new favorite pass time and pretty much all she did throughout high school . kids in her school started recognizing her as “the the girl who talks funny and makes youtube videos” ,, so that’s pretty cool ig

it really wasn’t until her senior year that her channel gained a serious following . by the time she graduated she worked her way up to 1m subscribers and just a few hundred thousand away from having 1m on instagram too . CRAZY . and since youtube had become a serious job to her that she wanted to continue doing , she figured that she’d take a gap year off just to focus on that and building her personal brand . so she moved out and got an apartment in the city , paid for all by herself ( though mommy and daddy’s money certainly helped furnish it with all her lavish stuff ) and got to WORK

that ONE gap year turned into a gap... three years ??? she never applied to university and honestly she doesn’t plan to anytime soon ! her social media career has never been more poppin’ tbh . she has like over 8m subscribers on her main channel ( now called makeupmckenna ) and just a little bit under that on her vlog channel . she’s had various partnerships with different makeup brands , colourpopcosmetics , morphe , and lancôme just to name a few . on her channel she also does fashion / styling videos , which has gained her attention from several brands that have sent her pieces to promote and invited her to see their shows at fashion week and whatnot . big money moves basically !!

okay now for her secret : basically ,, kenna is hard-working don’t get me wrong , but she’s also obsessed with increasing her following and is willing to do anything if it means signal boosting herself and becoming more successful . so basically , at one point she made a fake account that posed as one of her “haters” “exposing” her-- and since no publicity is bad publicity , it got more people talking about her and following her . she even made a sob story youtube video in response to the “hate” she was getting and the rumours that were sparking because of it . the account has since been deleted but that doesn’t mean that the screenshots of the rumours aren’t still circulating the internet . it’s been a few years since the “scandal” but that doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t get talked about from time to time

P E R S O N A L I T Y  &  F U N  F A C T S ↴

personality-wise : kenna is a sweetheart ! at least on the outside ! like she lowkey has selfish motives sometimes when it comes to gaining online popularity , but outside of social media she is genuine and goofy and a good friend i swear . would give you the designer clothes off her back if you’re close to her . also affectionate because she’s from a big family that actually has a healthy relationship with each other ( minus kenna’s minor jealousy she used to harbor as a kid... she’s kinda grown out of it now as a young-adult who’s successful in her own right ) so she loves to love . super materialistic though . loves shiny things and owning the newest trendy stuff . definitely thinks that money can buy happiness and she’s super stubborn so you cannot convince her otherwise . loves attention , will do just about anything to get it but if it doesn’t fit her “pristine girl next door” image then she’ll have to do it in secret . and since she has made a name for herself as being “innocent” , she doesn’t party too much . just not a big fan of that lifestyle

just bc she never went to college DOES NOT MEAN that my girl is dumb  .. she actually likes to keep learning new things by constantly reading and trying out new skills . she’s v much a jack of all trades but a master at none . minus her ability to beat her face and talk to a camera lol

she’s fluent in both english and welsh , and used to have an accent when she was younger but has since taught herself to sound super american . she thinks it makes her more appealing idk

very family orientated and keeps in close contact with her siblings and parents despite the fact that they live all around the world doing their own things

has collabed with loads of famous peeps not just for youtube videos but getting to do their makeup for gigs . she’s gotten to a point in her career where she’s able to bridge the gap between influencer and professional artist y’know what i mean ??

loves dogs . has a dog named tate who frequently makes appearances in her posts :)))

consumes an unhealthy amount of caffeine daily

doesn’t know how to drive . doesn’t even have a license or anything and who knows if she’ll ever learn tbh

she’s bisexual but has only come out to her close friends and family . hasn’t outwardly said anything to her following but they can probably make assumptions considering who she’s been seen getting close to . like it’s not a big deal to her , she likes who she likes , but also doesn’t think it’s anyone else’s business besides whoever she’s dating / sleeping with at the time

W A N T E D  C O N N E C T I O N S ↴

EDIT : i have in fact made a wc page so peep that here if ya want ! xox

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #385

“I am a human being, capable of doing terrible things”

Who in your family has been married the longest? (and how long?) Uhhhh. I don't know. Do you take your shoes off when you come inside? Yes. What’s your favorite movie series? I think Shrek when you consider all the movies' (well, I haven't seen the last one, but...) quality. No memeage here, I just genuinely love Shrek, haha. I would say The Lion King, but miraculously when you consider the focus on meerkats, I actually don't like 1 1/2 much. What was the first color you ever dyed your hair? Hm... I think I got purple highlights? Do you want to move anytime soon? Even though we haven't even lived here a year, yes. I don't like living in an urban area, and I also reeeeaaaally don't like our family friend being our landlord. I know that sounds very weird, but she's just a very controlling person who forcefully inserts herself into my family's lives now more than ever, and I have a pretty deep fear that a potential argument finally erupting will lead to us being kicked out. I genuinely don't think Tobey would ever do that, but the fear is still there. How good/bad was the quality of education you received in high school? Average, I guess? What was the most interesting year of your life, and why? "Interesting," maybe... 2017 or 2018? I learned a lot about myself in that time range. But at the same time, my life was (and still is) VERY uneventful. Just a lot of mental stuff went on. What was the first social media site you ever used? Myspace. Do you have any exes you really regret dating? REALLY regret? No. I wish I'd never dated Tyler, but it's not a massive regret or anything. He was still a cool guy that I have a few nice memories with. Have you ever lied on a resume? Or even in a job interview? Ha, I'd definitely stretch the truth about being more of a people-person than I am. I couldn't go too far with lying, though; I'm just not comfortable doing that, 'cuz like, they're gonna find out eventually that it's not true. Of all your friends & family, who has the most nicely-decorated home? Maybe my friend Summer. Her room has always been super cool. What brought about the end of the worst relationship you’ve been in? Apparently, not talking to him every second of every day two weeks into a relationship was a no-no. Where was the last place you spent the night other than your own home? The sleep study building or whatever it's considered in the medical plaza. Do you have any step- or half-siblings? I have both. What do people always seem to think is weird about you? The fact I don't watch TV. Do you ever braid your hair? It's way too short for that. Even when it was long, I didn't do it frequently at all. Is there any certain style of architecture you really enjoy? Roman, in particular. What was the last thing you gave up on? uhhhhhhhhhhh If you watch Parks and Recreation, who is your favorite character? I don't. What’s the last DIY project you did, if any? If you can’t remember, what’s something you’d be interested in doing? I'm not really into DIY stuff, honestly. I'd rather just buy products that were made better than I could, or commission someone who can. What's a song that makes you feel happy? I dunno. It's rare a song alone makes me happy. What is your favorite clothing store? Rebel's Market. How did you meet your best friend? YouTube, back when it was a more social platform. What is something you do well? Catastrophize any situation. Assume the worst of everything. What's a good idea you've had recently? Probably to re-engage with a calorie-counting app I used to use. I'm back to trying to use it consistently. Do you like to wear high heels? Does ANY person LIKE to? How many slices of pizza do you usually eat? Two or three depending on my appetite and the size of the pizza. Do you play any instruments? Not anymore. Do you always smile for pictures? Not always. What are you most excited about right now? To see the results of my TMS therapy. What's the last song you listened to? "Ex’s and Oh’s” by Elle King. What's the last YouTube video you watched? I'm watching an Erosium livestream rn. Newest channel binge, haha. Do you know anyone who's died in childbirth? No. Would you ever consider moving to another country for your career? No. I don't want to leave my family. Do you wear foundation? No, I hate the feeling of that crap. Do you know anyone who has run for public office? No. Do you have a cartilage piercing? I used to, but the hole closed when I had to take it out for the hospital. :/ I plan on getting it repierced. Have you ever been taken to the emergency room or urgent care? If so, why? Yes; for being suicidal, a suicide attempt, and when I had a horribly infected cyst and just existing made me want to sob with pain. Have you ever had to visit anyone in the hospital? Yeah, a few times. What is the most pain (physical, mental, emotional) you've ever felt? Physical: having the aforementioned cyst drained when I was not nearly numbed enough. Mental and emotional (what's really the difference?): my breakup with my first real boyfriend. What is the longest time you've spent crying? Oh, hours on end, fluctuating with intensity. Have you ever been stolen from? Yes. Have you ever been to a ghost town? No, but I would FUCKING LOVE to. Let me bring my camera and it's a field day. Has anything in your house ever caught on fire? Not in this current house. Have you ever been inside of a vacant house? No. Have you ever been attacked by a dog? No. What is the most disgusting thing you've ever seen? The massive cyst my late dog Teddy developed on his lower belly. That fucking thing hung on by a THREAD and was absolutely nauseating to look at. How old were you when you learned how to read? I don't recall, I just know it was earlier than most children. Do you prefer cats or dogs? Cats. Which book series was the first you read? I want to say Hank the Cowdog. I was hooked on it. Would you rather write a book or direct a movie? Haha, what a question, as I've considered both of these as potential careers. I think write a book. What dream that you’ve had has stuck in your head the most? Describe: A nightmare about my dad that I'm not going into. What emotion do you find yourself trying to hide from others? I'm very uncomfortable revealing jealousy or envy. How emotional/sentimental would you say you are? Extremely. What is the most fun game to play? Shadow of the Colossus, probably. What is your sense of humor like (dry, dark, sarcastic, etc.)? I don't know, maybe dry. How many languages can you say "hello my name is…" in? Two. What language do you think sounds the nicest? I don't know, it's not like I've heard every language be spoken. What language do you want to learn more of? German. Do you have any form of OCD? I'm diagnosed with OCD. Do you make promises often? No. I take promises VERY seriously and am not about to make one unless I'm certain I can keep it. What is it that you are responsible for? My pets, keeping my room clean, stuff like that. Do you have a lot of secrets? Not "a lot," no. Are you more likely to be verbally aggressive or physically? Verbally. I'm only physically aggressive in my nightmares. What warning has someone given you that you wish you’d have listened to? Hm. What warning has someone given you you are glad you didn’t take? I also don't know. What is your favourite video of on YouTube? I can't pick just one. Name one creature that freaks you out/scares you? Maggots. Just the word makes me squirm. What was the last thing you wrote down on paper? My signature. Have you ever watched Breaking Bad? No. Are your fingernails always painted? They never are. What color is your bed frame? A rich brown. Did any of your neighbors come over to welcome you when you moved into your current house? No. What's something you didn't realize how bad it was until it happened to you? Heartbreak. Do you like Taylor Swift's singing voice? No. It's squeaky and annoying to me. Does it bother you when people get super emotional? Why the fuck would it bother me? Let people be in touch with their emotions. Have you ever worked in a restaurant? No. What was the last drive-thru you went through? Ummm I want to say Starbuck's w/ Mom after my TMS appointment. Do you know anyone who claims they can see/feel spirits or other supernatural "things?" No. Does your house have any unoccupied bedrooms? Yes. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? My mom has depression, and she personally suspects something's up with Dad, but idk. He's never seen a doctor about that kinda stuff. What fun things are there to do where you live? Ha! Do you know anyone with a really poorly-trained dog? I know many like that. When you were growing up, did your family rent or own your home? My parents owned it. Can you see the stars at night where you live? I actually haven't paid attention at this house. I'm certain it'd be harder now living in an urban area, though. What job do you know you'd be terrible at? Like, everything? I'd probably be worst at promoting stuff to people and trying to push them into buying something. No being a salesperson for me. Do you do meal-prepping? No. Do you know anyone who got preggo less than a year into their relationship? Who doesn't? And now, for the greatest question of all time! Toilet paper- should it go over or under? I literally couldn't care less about this. Fun fact though to "end" the argument, the original concept art of the idea (the word for that is evading me...) has it designed to go over. Are you afraid of mice? Not at all, they're adorable. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I don't have a specific "type" of thing I get, really. It depends. Do you vacation often? Not at all. Are you comfortable wearing your pajamas in public places? It depends on the place, really. Generally, I really don't care, so long as I put a bra on. What’s your favorite candy bar? That one that's a bunch of Reese's squares composed into a rectangle. It. Is so. Fucking. Good. Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't like musicals. Do you own a helmet of any sorts? No. Does your family generally decorate for most holidays? Just for Christmas, really. Do you eat soup when you’re sick? I'm not a soup person. Have you ever watched Doctor Who? I saw one or two episodes with Sara. If so, what do you think is the scariest creature yet? N/A Do you read tour guide type books before you visit places? No.